in five short weeks...

I'll know how you look. Your smell will be so familiar and you will have had a million kisses.

Your picture is on our freezer and every time I see your little cheeks and the top of your head I can't wait to snuggle with you for the first time and get to know my little baby girl.

Your big brother talks about you all the time. He loves to look at your sonogram pictures and ask when you will be out of my tummy. He has certain cars he is willing to share with you and he even said you can ride the honking car.

We are all preparing for you. It seems like a lifetime before you are here but time is flying by also and it seems like we are running out of time.

I love you, my little baby girl, even though I haven't even met you yet.

I'll miss having you inside me. Lately you have been coming out one side when I lay down, while kicking my hip bone on the other side. You like to move your hand or foot across my belly button, sometimes with a lot of force, but mommy doesn't mind. I think you like us being up all night because thats when you move the most. When your Daddy is around and talking you like to kick sporadically almost like you're trying to get his attention.

You have a very excited family, all waiting for you.

Hurry up and pass the next five weeks!!!

cutting the strings

Tomorrow I am going to church alone. I get to go to the new place to hear their pastor speak. I cannot describe how good it feels to be free of the old one. Every time I think of having to go back there I feel the anger coming on.

So, anyway. My mom is going to kill me. She sent me some stuff from the motherhood maternity store and I exchanged it. She always thinks I need a night gown and I hate them. I cannot sleep with that thing wrapped around me, so I took it back and got some stuff I need.

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I always have to have a system and truthfully, I don't want any gifts because I have a list in my head of things I need and things I don't need or want and I'm just so overwhelmed with it all I don't have room up there for other things.

I know, I'm selfish and rude. :(

Today I shoved a fork up my thumbnail and it still hurts like crazy. I was so annoyed because I was trying to unload the dishwasher and I was so distracted by the kids that I wasn't paying attention and of course they didn't care that I was hurt they just followed me into the bathroom asking for more food and it just drove me crazy. I'm going to go insane when the girls are out of school for two weeks!!

So all we have left is Christmas, then I only have two weeks of work then two weeks before my baby girl is here. I was awake for a little bit last night and she was moving all around so I was rubbing my belly. I think I can feel her elbows and knees sometimes, theres just a little corner that separates into two parts inside me and sometimes she will be still when I'm rubbing where she is and it feels like we're already bonding.

I'm getting really excited for her to come, almost moreso than for Christmas.

Tonight I have been cooking dinner for an hour, and I'm ready to be done!! I made lemon chicken and corn, with baked apples and sponge cake for dessert.

I used to make the cake all the time when we were first married, and I loved it. I'm excited for it to be done tonight.

Besides that, I washed 5 loads of clothes so we have stuff to wear for the cold week ahead. I'm excited for the colder weather, finally!!

first blog of December

Yesterday, my Christmas shopping began. What an exciting time!

I usually shop online but the stores with free shipping were out of everything I knew I wanted so I had to get out of the house for a while.

Here's the rundown: I went to toys r us and got jake the speed racer helmet and steering wheel that make noise, and let see, oh a mach 6 with a movie scene inside this little view finder thing, and a double pack of the mach 5 and racer x cars, a sponge bob bath set, and a speed racer light up poncho, and I think that might be it, besides the video game which I think I already mentioned previously.

Sage got a dish set, glow station, drawing pad with colored pencils and paint brushes with paint inside, socks with the individual toes, since I lost my (old) ones as soon as she found them... and one of those bath sets with the soap and stuff. Thats all I remember right now...

I got Mycah two Junie B books, dishes, Hannah Montana brush set, the same paint brushes as Sage but a different coloring book, a Hannah Montana dress up set, Prince Caspian (movie) and something else I can't remember right now lol.

I figured since I was given the opportunity to shop I might as well get some things for #4, so I got her an outfit, a sheet and blanket set that is the tiddlywinks ladybug theme, some soap diapers and wipes.

So I spent about 10 total hours walking around Target Friday, including work the night before.

I have ot say that I was not looking forward to Thursday night at work, I thought about calling out so many times but since I missed a day last week, I couldn't do it. The night turned out fine, even though it was someone I usually don't get along with mixed with two trucks. I was proud of myself that night because although I was in stationery until about 7:15 or so, it only took me about 4 hours to push it all. It was one of those nights where the repacks kept coming so I had very little time to start pushing, I remembered from my last mistake and got two pallets for backstock, and by the time my offsite came and I sorted out all the sporting goods from my repacks (urrgh) and the few boxes of Christmas, it was break time. Then I put the backstock I did manage to get during the truck unload on a pallet and did half a cart of pens and it was lunch, so by the time I got started it was almost 5 and I was done about two hours later.

About 6, Karli was ready to go. I had this bump right under my rib cage that was her bootie I guess, but she was sticking out in such a way that I couldn't bend forward, so when I was driving if I was going to turn right, like at my exit, it was near impossible to lean forward to see around the car that was waiting to turn left. Boy oh boy. But, I have less than 50 days now. I can't believe it. I'm fine with the idea of leaving work for a while, my brain is wrapped around that just fine, but as far as having a baby in the house...nope, not processing.

The whole pregnancy thing seems a little routine and normal, but I am going to have a major kind of thing going on when I can't move for two weeks (basically) and I'll be woken up every few hours to feed someone.

I'm totally looking forward to it, though.

So now for parent teacher conferences:

Sage's went fine. She is a perfectionist and over achiever, which we already knew. The teacher didn't use those words, but I live with her, so take it from me. :) She had 2s, 3s and 4s on everything on her report card.

Mycah had all 1s and 2s. Not so good but I was expecting it. She will never be a perfect student, but thats okay with me.

I don't have a solid stance on education, really. I think some people get it and some don't. Everyone has their own purpose in life and she will do something else great with her life besides making As on her tests.

I was a combination of them two. Well, like Sage I'm still pretty anal about things. One example for her is that she always says "name, color, cut, paste" before she starts her homework, and once she forgot her name and you would have thought the world was about to explode.

But, I never made really good grades. i was always average and never cared to be on the honor rolls or anything of that sort. It seemed to be a lot of work and I wasn't that motivated.

So thats our family update...and now Armando is on...

*yawn*

Thanksgiving was so much fun!

This was the second year that we have gotten to stay home and eat our own food. I'm still wearing my pajamas because it was such a relaxing day lol.

Sage was told the day before that she was required to fill her belly at our feast, and suprisingly she did. I decided long ago that I would never make my kids feel bad for wanting to eat something, especially the girls, but I was wondering if she was ever going to get filled up. I know she had four deviled eggs and 3 or 4 rolls, in addition to her two huge pieces of turkey, two serving of cranberry sauce, huge pile pf mashed potatoes and gravy... and the list goes on. She was so full she ended up laying on her bed watching tv because she couldn't move.

I was looking forward to this three day weekend because of all the stuff I could accomplish but I have not moved except from the couch to the computer and a couple of trips to the kitchen for some yummy leftovers.

I had a dream about my little karli last night and now I can't wait to meet her. No matter that we don't have any diapers for her or a number of other things, I'm just excited to hold her and kiss her. In my dream she looked just like my niece when she was just a few months old. Kylie and Sage were both born really tiny and got big really fast lol. Kylie, though, had a rounder head and strawberry blond hair. I used to talk to her and try to play with her and she would just stare at me, which was pretty much how my dream went.

I was a couple months pregnant with Mycah when I used to babysit her for my sister and she would just look at me or play with something else then cry when it was time for me to go home. She also screamed when my sister tried to leave her with Shaun and I overnight.

Those were the days lol.

When she outgrew that stage it got to where her and Mycah always wanted to be together so she came everywhere with us until we moved.

In other news... I'm trying to figure out if I should keep this or not... I impulsively bought jake a Christmas gift, and I'm just not sure... Its a speed racer video game where he actually sits in the mach 5 and it plugs into the tv. I know he'll like it but I'm not sure if we have the room for it. I guess since Christmas is less than a month away I better decide and start shopping pretty quickly.

I have it all figured out now!

Yesterday was a very interesting day, and in the midst of all the interesting happenings I realized why I hate this place so very much.

EVERYTHING here is complicated.

The day started out simple enough: Worked, got home, took Mycah to school... Sage had her feast, which was cute. They all dressed up as pilgrims or indians and ate food the moms brought in.

Then came my doctors appointment. I left an hour early because I knew the street but not the distance I was going. Shaun somehow talked me into driving the car which I did against my better judgement because that thing is on the brink.

Let me say that in FL, if you want to go somewhere during the school year, during school times, you are usually the only one on the road. Not so here. And of course, to add to my barely working car and 5 million people on the road, there was an accident so traffic was crazy.

I still got there 20 minutes early because it was so easy to find but in truth, I hate new things, new places, and I was very nervous.

So, they got me all checked in, and they were very nice people, but still, new place, new doctor, the one who will be cutting me open in about two months, so yeah I had some anxiety.

All of this lead to my having high blood pressure when they checked. I know thats all it was because until I got really comfortable at SD I had high blood pressure there, too. (and until the first time I got there without something tragic happening to my car)

I tried to tell the doctor this but he insisted that I go to the hospital.

Now for another comparison: my hospital in FL was crazy. You walk into the emergency room and you're stuck there. You go to where the doctors offices were and you're stuck there. Many different entrances that were in no way attached or connected.

Holy cross is not like that at all. I found admissions with no trouble at all and got all checked in. The only problem was that I had no phone and was in a different area code, but they gave me a phone to call my husband since it was 2 1/2 hours after my scheduled appointment and i knew he would be worried.

I was a little peeved that I had to be there because I knew nothing was wrong with me. My blood pressure was fine the whole time and my labs came back completely normal. I was so glad to not be in FL at that time because I knew my mom would have come and my bp would not have been so wonderful. I said a little thank you prayer that my hubby knew to keep the kids at home and just let me make my doctor happy lol.

So, I got the night off work with a note, not that they need it since I never call out, but I didn't sleep at all yesterday until i got home at 8pm so I was glad my boss was so accomodating.

I did have an ultrasound at the hospital to check fluid levels and the girl showed me Karli's face. I never want to lose that image in my mind! She was moving through the whole thing, kicking the wand and changing her whole position. At the end I got to see her finally and she had a chubby face and her mouth was in a big open smile. It made my night.

She weighs 3 lb 13 oz now, so she has tripled her size in just a month or so. Makes me nervous because she still has two solid months to do nothing but gain.

So, that was my day yesterday. I have to go tonight to take all my at home labs to the hospital then tomorrow I have to take the results to my doctor, then Thursday I'm sitting at home and letting Shaun cook and Friday, well, more of the same. Also, insert work and sleep into those days.

My next official appointment is next monday and I'm hoping that everything goes okay and its quick and easy.

nothing good is on

and the kids are fighting.

I would love to have a break. I really would. Just for a few hours, or maybe a couple of minutes with no one talking. Oh that would be nice.

Weeks like this past one are the reason I miss living near family. I remember being able to drop them off places and do my grocery shopping or whatever and it was so nice. Next year the three will all be in school so at least I have that to look forward to.

I talked to a woman at my work who just got back from having her baby and she said they left her (baby) in the room the whole time, and every once in a while a nurse would poke her head in to ask how she was doing.That was the idea I got from my hospital when I looked online. She said she would have liked more time to rest, which makes me wonder because right now I'm looking forward to having karli to myself. We'll see what happens.

Today we went grocery shopping to get our Tg feast. We are going to have some good food that day. I can't wait.

I have to laugh at my neighbors sometimes. Last night I did some laundry and one neighbor replied to my facebook message saying something about the amount I did, then we were talking to another neighbor before we left and she asked if we do a big shopping trip every week so I guess she has seen us these past weeks going grocery shopping.

The second neighbor is the only one I have ever seen carrying groceries in so I guess we go a lot more often than other people lol. But we also have a bigger family.

Tonight is more cleaning. I like doing domestic things. I can't wait until i can quit work and be here full time. Well, in a different "here", but at my house. I have a master list of things to do before K comes and I've done two fo them now, so thats really cool. Only like 300 things left lol

more unwanted opinions

Yesterday, after getting a long look/laugh at Lindsey Lohan getting floured by peta, I decided to do some research.

I've seen the first few seconds of animal cruelty videos, but since I'm not a sociopath I usually don't make it very far into them before deciding to fill my mind with positive images. So, I forced myself to watch this whole video on how fur coats are made and it was sickening. In case there are animal lovers on here I won't go into detail but I will say that there are way more humane ways of doing things.

I am not an animal lover at all, to be honest. I like most of them that aren't mine but living in two bedrooms with three kids makes you glad nothing alive in here poops on the floor. Outside dogs are okay but other than that, I'm good.

I would never want to see anything bad happen to a living thing, though. I believe that humans were put on the earth to have dominion, as the Bible puts it, over the animals and every living thing but skinning a racoon while its kicking to get away is not what God had in mind when he told Adam that.

So my conclusion is that while I would have never worn fur to begin with, I will never become animalistic like some people are to protect them as long as there are babies in their mothers womb being pulled apart with pliers and sucked out. People come first.

*gulp*

I made my appointment today with my new doctor. This is the doctor who will deliver my baby. I've known I would have to switch from the beginning but it was supposed to happen in like a year, not next week.

So it will be week 31, then next appointment will be 33, then 35, 36, 37, and 38 will be the big day. I can't believe its coming so fast.

One good thing that I had forgotten about is that after Christmas hours will be cut. I'm hoping to maybe go back to four days for the last two weeks that I'm there to give me that extra time to get stuff done. I'm having a hard time separating the stuff I have to do at home from the things at work. When I'm almost done in my department I get really overwhelmed like there is still so much to do that I have to make a list in my head and robotically do one thing then the next until I'm pulling my pallet out of there and I can breathe again.

Anyway, so about 7 1/2 weeks. Thats three more paychecks to get diapers. I'm going this weekend to get clothes for her. We also need to buy Christmas for the kids. Thats going to be tough. Their big gift is going to be going to a museum to spend the day. It will be our day out like we had before jake came, but this time I think they will enjoy themselves lol. And clothes will come when all the winter stuff goes on sale. They have tons of winter clothes already so most of it will be for next year.

Still tons to think about, still tons to do.

officially off the IE platform

I'm a firefox user now. Its official. IE got to the point where I couldn't do ANYTHING that took less than five minutes and I am just not that patient.

Tonight is our salad supper at sem wives, the last week of the semester. Well, for the Bible Study, anyway. I think I volunteered to drive the carpool but its not official yet. To be honest I'm so sleepy and physically exhausted I really want to sit this one out. But, its the last week so I'll go. The next time I see these women I will be a week or so away from having my little rock star.

Speaking of her, she has chronic hiccups like Sage did. Its this light rhythmic motion in my belly and it feels neat. At those times, she isn't trying to come out of my belly button so thats good.

I am so ready to leave work for my time off!! I've actually been on time for the last week or so which is a huge improvement but I am like a zombie for the first couple of hours. I used to be able to just wake up and get moving but now I lay around for about 10 minutes not wanting to do anything. I hope its just the pregnancy and I'm not getting too old to work nights lol.

I'm looking forward to Saturday and going baby shopping!! I have bought her one dress. Thats it. She has some stuff from her sisters and other stuff I got from my Wed nights, but its not a lot. I was thinking last night that on top of our mountain of laundry I need to get caught up on, I also should wash her clothes sometime in the next month or so. I have way too much to do!

because I know everyone wants my opinion

1. there is one thing that makes a man, a man. I don't need to spell it out for you. This "pregnant man" who everyone keeps talking about IS NOT A MAN!!! If my husband had a uterus and ovaries we would not be a heterosexual couple. We would not be a couple at all, but, these people need to get over a WOMAN who injected herself with testosterone and cut her boobs off and keeps getting pregnant. She is a woman. Period.

2. PETA sucks big time. Think about it: you are a celebrity who makes 12 million dollars a movie. You go out and buy an $800 fur coat and wear it to your premiere, where some vegetarian throws red paint on you. What exactly is stopping you from buying another coat? And there goes another animal. Great job, peta. Go eat some meat, it replenishes brain cells.

29 weeks

oh boy.

Well, my appointment went well. For the most part. I met a volunteer RN today who was really nice. They found a few things wrong, for instance I lost another pound since last week. For those counting, thats 6 pounds total lost. The baby weighs over two pounds now so if you include that... you get the picture.

They asked me what I ate today and since I cannot lie for anything i had to tell them I had some cheez it snack mix and that was it. I intended on eating more especially since I knew they were having problems with my weight but it didn't happen.

Anyway, the baby, who is usually the least active at the doctor, was her usual rock star today. I was glad not only because its neat to feel her move but also because they have questioned in the past if she does move and got their proof today.

Jake went with me and talked through the whole appointment. I don't mind when he talks except when it seems like he is talking about one thing and thinking about another: "mom....ummm....the...I mean, my....uhhh...mach5....just like.... hmmm... did something....." I eventually have to stop listening to him.

I was going to call out tonight if Sage was still sick but she's back to her crazy self. She got a thank you card for the birthday party she went to and its from target!!! Those people are keeping me employed, lol. The whole goodie bag she got was from my little stationary section, then the cards.

I got a pack of cards from target as a gift and I can't look at them. There are certain things that no matter how often I get it, I can't remember where it goes and I got those cards ALL the time and always had to scan them then move five things around to be able to put them up and then I go to my Bible study tea and there they are... so that was ten packs bought which is good until i have to stock them. Again. lol

Back to Sage...she threw up and I was hoping Shaun would say something about how busy he was then I would have to clean it up and declare that I should just stay home and take care of her but he was very accomodating to me so I was stuck, and now she's all better, so, there goes my excuse to get a three day weekend! Just 8 more weeks and I'll be off all the nights, though.

more of the same...

So yesterday I met with the nutritionist that my doctor has been bugging me to see. I tried to think of any excuse to get out of it but ended up going just to get it over with.

It was actually not a terrible experience. I was worried since she is an older woman that she would be old fashioned like my doctor, but she wasn't at all.

She said I should gain 15 pounds total. So far I have lost weight. I don't remember the number but I was down another pound and a half yesterday. I don't really care what they say because I eat plenty and theres no way I need to gain weight for any reason.

So, that is done. Now I have one more appointment next week then its off to my doctor who will deliver me. I can't believe how fast its coming!

Tomorrow was supposed to be my day off. I had planned on 36 hours of pajamas and some good tv mixed in, but instead I will be taking all three kids first to get a birthday present then off to a party. I was hoping to finally have a kid break but no such luck in my life.

I'm really overwhelmed and stressed and not sure where to go from here.

Only in instances like this...

Do I wish I knew more about politics.

I do know that CA never registered me to vote, although I applied, so as much as I'd like to be a voting citizen, it will have to wait until 2012...or at least when I vote in the next big election.

2012, by the way, is the first year I'm assured to be on my way outta here. Very exciting.

Anyway, my father in law is obsessed with politics. Anytime we get together, something has happened where he has to make the situation all political and it drives me bananas. In those cases, I'm happy to sit ignorantly back and let my mind wander to more (in my mind) pressing issues.

I know I'm not the only one who did not vote and therefore not the reason McCain didn't get elected, but yesterday I would have loved to have had a hand in getting him one more vote.

I was up in the air as to who I wanted in office until he got Sarah Palin as his running mate. For me, she sealed the deal.

Now that the results are in and its Obama after all, I wish I knew more about the big issues. I know he and I don't see eye to eye on abortion, and the fact that all those bills passed is bothersome for me since I couldn't vote, but other than that, I'm really lost.

I'll do research on my own, though, to find out. I think if he gets the economy back in order, which will take a few years, i think, he will have done his job and in the next election we can go back to the GOP.

The Halloween Blog

Halloween was a lot of fun this year.

I have to admit that going into it, I was really nervous. Anyone that knows me knows that my kids and I do not have a good repoire when we go out together without Shaun. Sometimes we can't even make it through a day at home together but most of that is just part of being family I think.

Anyway, so Halloween. I had no idea what to do with them exactly. Jake had his costume from last year, we borrowed one for Mycah so that left Sage to buy for. The only stipulation she had was that she wanted a dress, so after going through the craft department to the costumes at Wal mart, she decided to be a go go girl. Neither one of us knew what that was exactly, but it had a dress, hat, and boot covers so it was all good.

I went back and forth between taking them to a church function we've gone to in the past and just going trick or treating, then it was do we go t or t at the mall, or go to the neighborhoods up the hill... I've never been in Halloween traffic in CA, but I was stuck in it once in Jax so I decided not to drive anywhere. Up the hill it was.

I took several things, just in case: the double stroller, a flashlight, and the umbrella. I forgot that if there is a seat available, my kids will sit in it regardless. (like, regardless that the person who has to push them is 7 months pregnant and that is a very steep hill we are going up) There were a few times I just stopped pushing and made everyone get out for a little while. Those times were nice.

The houses were a lot further up than I remembered but we got there and all was well. They went to several houses where their friends live, so they loved that. I don't know how many houses we went to but we were just getting started, I figured, and they already had a really generous spread of candy.

Then we got to go up this little pathway that goes in and out of the neighborhood. This was our second group of houses. I thought it was pretty well lit but I was all alone on that feeling. They were glad to get back onto the street and hit some more places.

Then the trouble began. Jake had to pee. He is never quiet about it which is a little embarrassing but at the same time its better to make him ask twice to be sure he's not just bored.

Through the next five houses or so, he kept telling me he had to go potty. I was really clueless because if I walked back down that hill, there was no going back up again. I also felt really bad because he was starting to walk funny.

I have to add that at some point, Sage said "I have to go potty, but I'm not saying anything about it. I don't even feel like I have to go potty!"

So, for lack of options, we went back on that little path and I pulled down his costume (next year he's getting a two piece, btw) and let him go right there on the sidewalk. No one was around and it was dark so I didn't see the purpose in making him hold it any longer.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Sage had taken her shoes off long ago, and was just walking with the shoe covers of her costume on her legs.

So we re enter this neighborhood further up, and I asked how many more houses they wanted to do before we went to see Shaun at work, and they said one. I think we did four more because they were on our way out and then began the long walk back down the hill.

That was when Mycah decided her shoes hurt her feet.

I don't get it...they wouldn't wear shoes that I knew fit them, they both wanted dress shoes, and Mycah picked ones that she had long ago decided were too small and Sage usually wears to school. But, to give her credit, she did wear them without complaint for about an hour and a half.

Anyway, so she took off her shoes and socks and started to walk barefoot. I guess they are a lot different than I am because they have never really been out barefoot and I walk everywhere that its legal without shoes on.

Sage and Jake were both in the stroller at this point, but Sage agreed to put on Mycahs shoes and let her ride. I was glad Sage agreed but Mycah is a lot heavier than she looks, even going downhill. I was really regretting going to Dominoes and considering walking home and getting the van, but I knew as soon as I saw that gate my body was going to give out and we were going home, so we walked. And it felt like we would never get there. And a lot of whining was going on.

I did get them to the point where I could say "what are we doing when we get home?" and they would reply "leave mom alone and we can have two pieces of candy" Thats how you know you are being just the right amount of repetitive. :)

Anyway, so we saw Shaun for like 5 seconds and then we sat on a bench for about 5 or 10 minutes before we began the long walk home. I was really hoping we had timed it where he was just getting off and could give us a ride back but it didn't work that way.

We left that evening at 5:30 and got back at 8. I didn't know it had been that long, but they got tons of candy and had a lot of fun so it worth the exhaustion.

That brings me to Saturday. There was a seminary appreciation day for the kids so we were able to drop them off and go out for our anniversary (8 years on Thursday) I was looking forward to it until it hit me that we would be leaving Jake who has really never been left anywhere. I got a little choked up when asking the guy who was taking him if Jake could go in the room with Sage if he got upset. Turned out him and Sage were in the room together anyway so that made me feel better. Jake was nervous too when we said good bye and walked away. Poor guy. But I think he was fine after that.

Meanwhile, Shaun and I went to the mall to check out the movies. Nothing good there, so we went to Fridays then walked around the mall for a few hours. It was a lot of fun.

Sunday

No church drama today to report. I keep finding out problems people there have with me. In a sense I say who cares and keep doing whatever I do, but in another sense I did not move across the country for two people at one church in all of SoCal to ruin my husbands ministry.

I felt like I really tried today. I smiled. I talked. I even went into the service at the end and had a conversation with the woman who I have been trying to avoid this whole time. Scary stuff.

Anyway, tonight the work week starts again. I'm not ready. I wasn't home much at all these past two days so I didn't get anything done. I was supposed to make the girls Halloween costumes but then my friend at work said she had some they could borrow so hopefully she brings them tonight. If not, I'll have to throw something together.

Shaun has to work and its times like this when I would LOVE to have a friend with kids who would go with me to take my kids out. I don't think anyone in my neighborhood does anything for Halloween.

I'd thought a few weeks ago about having some sort of party here for the kids that we know but it didn't work out. Next year I'll have to start thinking earlier about it.

I had so much fun Friday night!!! I felt like I didn't get to talk much but I plan on going out to party before I have this baby so we can hang out more then.

Today is Tuesday

I am so very thankful for my Sunday nights of work!!!

They aren't giving out any extra hours but somehow I got some. :) Its a huge peace of mind for me to know I have some extra coming in.

So last night was the womens get together at my neighbors house and i couldn't go. Well, it turns out I could have because Shaun got home at 7 when it started but my day was done. I got a lot of cleaning done then I took a shower and put on my pj's so I was not going anywhere until 11:30 that night. :)

I realized after posting my last blog that I forgot the end of my pumpkins story.

She didn't send them!!! We called to tell her thank you and she said she didn't want all the candy to melt so she just sent the clothes and other stuff.

Thats okay, though. Once pumpkin season is over, it will be time for eggnog which I am equally excited for. :) :)

Mycah forgot her homework folder yesterday and my mother bear instinct is in full gear.

Her teacher doesn't seem like the nicest woman and I'm afraid she will be mean to my kid. I just don't put up with that from people. I consider myself to have a nice handle on my kids so I don't think its anyone else's place to say anything. Even when they are just being kids or acting up either Shaun or myself is right there to put a stop to it.

She knows she will have to sit out of first recess to do her work and thats okay with both of us, but she said one minute her folder was there and the next it was gone so hopefully they find it and she can do her work and turn it in. I would think if it was a big deal the teacher would have given her another paper but then again, not from what I've seen living here.

No offense to those born here who read this.

Just like in FL, theres a race of white trash and then theres a race of regular middle class folks, here there are thinkers and non thinkers and you are in the thinker category.

When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I somehow checked out two library books and I got a note to go talk to the librarian. She basically yelled at me telling me she didn't know how it happened because there was no way to even check out two books. I remember for the rest of the day my legs were shaking and I felt like I was in trouble at every turn because I was so painfully shy and, well, we all know librarians don't yell for just any reason. I found the book and turned it in without saying anything to my mom for a few weeks and when I finally did she was livid that I was spoken to that way. She said it wasn't my fault and the librarian is supposed to keep track of the books borrowed so its more her fault than mine. I remember how good that made me feel about myself that she stood up for me, and I intend to do the same for my kiddos.

I really think its no big deal about her folder but I'm on guard in case the need arises, is all I'm saying.

so, yeah...

We got a package from my mom today. Well, we probably recieved it yesterday but were not aware of it until today.

She sent the girls some clothes and there were pajamas for Jake, among other things. They love to get packages from Nana. :)

She also said, when she was giving me the breakdown of what was coming, that she had "those pumpkin things that are like candy corn" I was able to reply "oh, yeah, they like those" while screaming with excitement inside my head. She has no idea that those things are like my boyfriend. Not that i have one, but I have a love for those things that almost passes my lifelong obsession with Reeses peanut butter cups.

I don't know if its just cravings or what but in several dreams I have been eating them or have a bag of them somewhere. i know, I have weird dreams. But they are just so good and I only get them once a year.

While we're on the subject of wonderful food, lately I have been wanting either ice cream or something to dip in milk. Cereal, pop tarts, cookies, donuts... all of that comes to mind, and we have none. Luckily this week is pay week.

I was telling the old hubs that I am going out with friends on Friday and he is worried about money so I siad if we go out to eat I will just get dessert... if I heard someone say that I would want to buy them food so they could eat, but have no worries about me. I NEED some good dessert. i have plenty of regular food at home to eat when I get back.

We have had times in the past when it seems like everything we do revolves around having the money to do it and these past weeks have been no different. I really don't like thinking or talking about money but I do like having it and making it and I guess you can't have one without the other.

I really feel like I deserve a night away from this place and from my kids (sorry, but its true) and I work plenty to afford dinner and a movie and a good time so I'm going and thats that.

And, since I know you read this, I know you didn't mean I don't deserve it but I'm just saying...

Anyway, I was looking up how to make your own halloween costumes and Mycah wants to be a spider and Sage wants to be a peacock. I'm going to try to get everything this weekend so I have time to make and fix everything. Jake has a costume from last year that he will wear.

And, because its Sunday, I have to add a church update. I went, not willingly at all. There are some people from a church that we used to go to that have started coming and everytime I see them I think they are what church people should look like. They seem so normal, not trying to be our parents, no advice, I talked to one for a few seconds and she was so much like someone I would want to be around it almost made me sick to my stomach knowing that we are stuck there with people who think we are little kids who need their guidance all the time.

I don't think they understand that we came out here to attend seminary, not to be church members. They expect that we put them first in most things and if we're not completely happy every Sunday they think we need a meeting and we have all these problems in our marriage.

I watch Jon and Kate plus 8 a lot and i really agree with what they say, when they argue in public, etc, they say they don't have time to be polite when the kids are running around and they are trying to get somewhere, etc. While I try not to yell across stores at my husband and stuff like that, it makes perfect sense to me because we have lived it. Not with 8, but with three which is plenty when they are small.

Anyway, so, I know we will not be there forever which I am so glad about but it is definitely the one place I don't care if I ever go back to. Its a shame when I'd rather be locked in Target for 6 hours a night than go to church for 2 hours a week. Just saying.

lots of news

I had another appointment yesterday with my doctor.

I had to take my three kids which I was not looking forward to but they were actually perfect so it ended up being fine.

I wanted to cancel the day before because of having to take them but thanks to time warner we didn't have internet or phone all week. It was really annoying.

Anyway, so at my appointment 3 weeks ago, Karli was measuring 19 weeks instead of the 22 weeks that I was, this time she was right on track at 25 weeks. I asked about how high she was laying, because when I lay down she kicks me in the belly button which is kind of painful, also you can look at my stomach and see how high she is. The doctor actually grabbed her and squeezed a little and said she is laying head down, with her bootie right under my belly button.

On another note, I lost 4 pounds!! Woohoo! It wasn't so much a goal to lose weight as it is to gain a whole lot. My appetite hasn't increased much until this point so I was making myself eat during the day which I'm usually too tired to do to make sure I was getting what I need. Now I don't know what to do but I know that every pregnancy is different and I weigh plenty so she is not starving in there lol.

I only have about 12 weeks left. I can't believe how fast it is going! I will see this doctor one more time then start going to the doctor who will deliver the baby, which I'm excited about. I can't believe at my next appointment I will be 29 weeks, my third trimester.

I have been really leery about spending money on maternity stuff so I was so excited at my bible study wednesday when someone brought in tons of maternity clothes that were my size!! I got two shirts for me, a crib sheet and two outifts for Karli and a dress for Sage. All free. It was great.

Another Sunday update

Thankfully, no drama today. Shaun and I agreed that I could just stay with him the entire time, that way if anyone says anything to me he will be there to defend me.

I did have to take Jake in to the service before it started to get a drink. Stupidly forgetting there is a water fountain in the classroom. I walked in with my head down and didn't speak to anyone or look at them.

After church I tried my hardest to stay with Shaun and help him reset everything for school tomorrow but the kids were playing in the church so I was torn between my duty to take care of them and my overwhelming desire to help Shaun so we could get out of there.

I did go in there because someone told Sage to ask me if she could have a cookie. I let her get one then checked on Jake and Mycah, then I saw the very person I was trying to avoid coming in my general direction looking like she wanted to talk to someone so I squeezed through the crowd and got out of there.

So, it was a thankfully uneventful Sunday morning.

In other news, my father in law is not coming at all this year. I was worried that he was going to come after the baby was born and I didn't want that. Its different if my parents or my mother and step father in law were to come. My mother in law might as well be my own mom. I feel extremely comfortable around her and I like that. Shauns step dad is the same. They are both down to earth people who I would feel completely comfortable telling that I needed a nap or I didn't want to go wherever they wanted to go that day, but let them take the kids haha. With Shauns dad it is different in that he expects that if he is there everyone is going to go with him and have fun no matter if you did just have all your insides moved around and a 7 pound baby taken out of you.

I made chicken salad last night and just finished it off today, so now we are out of meat. What a weird feeling to be out of meat. Wow. I can't tell you the last time that happened.

We are not near to starving, though. We have plenty of other food. :)

Tomorrow school starts back. Having the girls off was fun but without school the week went by a lot slower.

tomatoes

I think I have eaten at least one tomato a day for the past two weeks. And, no, I'm not sick of them. We have a pack of grape tomatoes right now that are very tempting but I have to wait for Shaun to get home and eat some salad before I can finish them off. ;)

Shaun made chili Wednesday and put those whole tomatoes in it, the peeled canned kind, so every time I got a bowl I made sure to get four or five of them.

Today we went to Lombardi ranch and it was a lot of fun. We didn't do anything you had to pay for because this is rent week as far as checks go and with three kids everything adds up. They are open until mid november so I think I will try to take the kids myself before they close.

We also went to the 99 cent store today. I have a friend who has a family of four and they only spend 35 dollars a week on groceries. She homeschools her kids so they don't have to have snacks and she said they buy produce at the 99 cent store so we had to check it out.

We bought fruit and pudding and stuff like that and spent 30 bucks, so I'm really intrigued how she can feed all of them on that small amount. I understand people have different priorities but I think I'd rather go to work than have to budget that tightly.

I was also amazed at how patient she is with her kids and how happy and well mannered they were. I think I have a lot to learn from them and I'm glad her and I are getting to know each other.

I loved being out today in the fall weather! I love bundling the kids up and turning the heater on in the van and everything. I think the seasons are more pronounced here than in Jacksonville.

exciting times (lol)

First off I have to say that I love fall weather!!! Theres a lot to be said about it being less than 100 degress every day. I pulled out the cold weather clothes and some will be in the closets and drawers as soon as I finish blogging.

So I was coming home from work this morning and I was behind this semi. Actually, he pulled rather quickly in front of me but not near to cutting me off so I figured he must have a problem but couldn't be for sure.

So we pulled onto the exit ramp and his back tire was running through this wet stuff and it was spraying my windshield. No biggie, since the car needed to be cleaned, I thought...until he turned the corner and I saw that it was gasoline pouring out of his truck. That was pretty scary.

I didn't know what to do since I was going to sit in the car wash at 6am when it was pitch black outside, even if I had the money on me to do so. SO I told Shaun about it when I woke up and he said gas was a corrosive so I washed his car for him with our squeegie. :) His car is a lot easier than the van to wash like that and I miss washing cars anyway, so it wasn't a total sacrifice.

Today is the last day of fall break and I am going to miss it dearly! I totally spoiled myself by coming straight home and going to bed. Didn't get as much cleaning done as I wanted, though. Oh well.

I've been going back and forth about how soon i want to leave work before the baby is born. I think it depends on how much I can get done before January. Thats my cut off to have everything bought and cleaned and in working order. Its a good thing that the two weeks before january are school break weeks, too, because I predict thats when most of the work will be done.

I have it all worked out in my mind how I want it to be but its just a matter of finding time to get it the way I want.

The subject came up again today of the woman at church. I'm glad i don't go to these meetings but would rather also not be discussed at them. Oh well. I deleted the earlier post about her because I decided that it is slander and I don't want to be guilty of that. I don't like not being allowed so to speak, to not like someone, so I guess I will just give her the cold shoulder and maybe she'll get the hint and stop talking to me and I'll be home free.

I was kind of diappointed at Bible Study wednesday. Its hard for me to listen to people talk on the subject of loving your kids when its obvious that they have decided to spend their whole lives devoted to their children. This woman has 8, so although I tried not to have a preconcieved notion I couldn't help but think right away that I would probably disagree with a lot of what she said.

I have my own philosophy, I believe everyone needs time to themselves and that it doesn't contradict the Bible to want it or need it. There were other things that made me cringe a little but that was the main thing that stuck out.

Anyway, in the great scheme of things it doesn't really matter, but I am hoping for some really good teaching this week. I feel like I need it, but moreso about the relationship between husband and wife than mom and kids.

This week will be our test, speaking of kids, to get Mycah to pass her reading test. I found the website online that is included in the book and played a few of the games they have designed to help the kids remember the story. I think it will help her learn the vocabulary and do a lot better.

The teacher said they were going to start doing that in the classroom but I guess from Mycah's last test that she changed her mind or it is just going to take Mycah a little longer.

The reading book only gets sent home on Thursdays which is the hardest day for me because it is the end of my work week and I am exhausted and it also takes Mycah longer to do her regular homework on that day.

She had really easy teachers for kindy and 1st but this teacher seems more strict which is good, but her and Mycah don't mix as well because Mycah is a free spirit and yes she does work slow as the teacher pointed out but she has always been the way she is now. I have no idea how to get Mycah to move faster. Yelling only makes her nervous and she doesn't have anything special I can take away or threaten because she just does....whatever...

I think it takes all kinds and I want her to be confident in who she is.

My (really long) day without the internet

It started out fine. The kids are on fall break this week so I was able to go straight to bed when I got off work.

I woke up around 10:30 and told them to get breakfast (something I'm really going to miss when the new baby comes lol) Then I made a list of lots of things to accomplish and got started.

I cleaned the kitchen, put away lots of clothes, washed two more loads, had Sage and Jake wipe down the tables...etc.

At about 11:30 (kind of backtracking here) the cable and internet went out. My first thought was did I pay the bill but about an hour after it happened the truck came and the people were working on it. It was weird because the cable came back and the phone came back which runs through the internet...but no net. No email, no wasting time browsing through things...it wasn't happening.

I was glad to have the phone back because I was supposed to call my mom at a certain time. Well, we were chatting about whatever when Mycah asked me for a drink and I told her to get one. All of the sudden I hear a huge splash and she has dumped almost the whole huge container of Gatorade on our (gas) stove and floor.

I understand that spills happen but I sent her out of the kitchen because she was so flustered then in a break in the conversation with my mom I called her in and gave her a towel to clean it up with. It was only two or three minutes later and most of the drink had pooled where the carpet meets the tile. I told her to put the towel down and step on it and wipe it back and forth. She has spilled enough to know what I was talking about, its the same instructions every time. Instead, she threw the towel into the middle of the kitchen floor.

Okay, now I'm annoyed because she didn't listen. I made her pick it up and start to clean it, but she was just acting like she had no idea so I sent her back to her room and had to finish it myself.

During this whole time Jake was on the porch playing. He likes to wipe stuff off and say he's cleaning so I sprayed a rubbermaid that we keep out there (more on that later) with windex and gave him a paper towel. While talking to my mom I noticed him coming inside and spraying more windex and I didn't think too much about it, even though it was a waste to continue to soak a wet paper towel... So, after I cleaned the gatorade, I noticed that the windex was gone from the counter where it was so I went to check on Jake and he had spilled the ENTIRE bottle onto the top of that rubbermaid. I was so mad! Why is it that I cannot even talk on the phone without some mess being made???? So I sent all three of them to their room without the tv on. And I shut the door and told them not to make a sound.

I felt bad for doing it to Sage because she was out here with me working on a paper in one of her school books, but I know her and as soon as her brother and sister are out of the way, she becomes really clingy and I was too frustrated to deal with that.

So I left them in there for 30 minutes with no tv, then I made the two who were in trouble stay there and let Sage out since she hadn't made any messes.

I also poured the windex with vinegar onto the porch floor hoping it would drain but no such luck. So now our porch smells like vinegar. Too bad it doesn't rain here.

So, concerning the rubbermaids... we have four that stay on the porch tucked in this little corner. I thought I had them mapped out:one of Christmas, two of girl clothes, one of boy clothes.

I was very wrong.

I had one of Christmas, that one was on top, then I had one and a half of boy clothes, which, I didn't know I kept that many, then I just had a few girl clothes in the bottom of one of those.

And the fourth. I'm still wrapping my head around this one. All last winter, I was tearing the house apart looking for some winter clothes that I knew my girls had somewhere. The blue hooded sweater, the indian print very warm looking jacket my niece gave Mycah... but to no avail. Well, I open the fourth rubbermaid to find, not newborn girl clothes, but ALL of those winter clothes!!! And most in there still had the tags on them. I could not believe it! Is it possible that I never looked in the rubbermaids??? I guess not, but...I don't know...it seems like it would be a very obvious place.

The good news is that all the clothes will still fit them, even though most might be too small for Mycah she will still get some things out of there. And the big thick jacket that she was so excited about will keep her tiny body very warm this winter. :) And between all of those clothes and the seven vacuum bags of winter clothes we don't have to buy them anything except maybe during the after season sales for next year.

This really intimidates me lol

We are doing this thing on Wednesday nights called "30 husband encouragement challenge for wives" I don't disagree with the idea of encouragement, especially for my husband, but here are some of the suggestions for day one:

thank your husband for choosing you above other women. okay. what if you didn't give him a choice? well, I did, but it was more like choose me now or else? I don't really see how it applies to my situation. It also says do it first thing in the morning and we are never together in the morning.

I had to laugh at another suggestion that included "if your husband...refuses to work" encourage him in other areas. Maybe if he was a billionaire and had worn himself out getting there.

Anyway, I don't have that problem so I can laugh about it.

The overall idea is to not say anything bad to or about him, to him or to anyone. Sometimes that is really hard, especially because he is the one I feel most comfortable being honest with about my feelings.

I feel like overall we have an open relationship as far as things like that, although he seems to speak more in general terms than I do.

Of course, right now I'm supposed to be cleaning the house. I think that would be more of an encouragement than anything.

kid's got good taste

I am obsessed with A&W root beer!!!

Most people have margaritas with mexican food, I have root beer.

When we do get soft drinks, we have to get two root beers because all my kids love it as much as I do. Turns out, our little newbie is no different. He/she kicks like crazy when I drink the good stuff.

Speaking of... Monday afternoon is our ultrasound to find out what we are having! I am so excited and I have numbed myself to any notions of which one it will be.

Still no drama going on. No one to put in their place, for those of you who are keeping up lol.

I did hurt my finger SO BAD last night at work!!! I had two carts that were stuck together and I went to pull them apart and somehow my little finger was in there and now I have a huge bruise on my fingernail. I hurt for about 10 minutes really bad then it was okay.

This week was my first five day week in almost a year and it was so hard at the end! Wednesday and Thursday are what I call my sleepless days because it is impossible to find time to get good solid sleep. I think on Wed Shaun was even home in the afternoon and I laid down for about two hours but it was not good sleep, then after lunch at work I was so slow and could not will my body to move any faster. I am so glad that my boss knows I have kids and its hard some days to rest. He is very understanding of things like that.

yesterday and so far today

Everything has been fine. No one has said anything to make me be mean.

Its a good thing, really. I've had a peaceful two days.

Today I thought about "forgetting" my appointment with the nutritionist at my doctors office, but guilt made me go because in truth, I remembered exactly that I was supposed to be there, but she didn't show up so it wouldn't have even mattered. I couldn't get mad at that because it wasn't the usual receptionist that made my appointment so she didn't even know I was coming in, if she had she would have called me.

The day wasn't a waste, though. My boy and I went to see about sending him to preschool at our sports center, then he played on the playground for about 45 minutes. I've heard really good things about that preschool and I hope he gets to go. I need to call the person in charge.

Anyway, so thats my update. I have about 30 loads of laundry to do today, homework with the girls, and if I'm lucky, some sleep before work tonight!

yay

Last night at work was so refreshing! My friend who was on vacation for a week and a half finally came back. There were all the usually annoyances that comes with working with other people, of course, but it was all so much better with someone to laugh it off with.

So to celebrate, I've decided to spend one week saying things I think to people who choose to argue with me.

Like my husband always says to me "anger hurts the person who is angry more than it hurts the person you are angry at" So, no more anger.

It stinks because I go to Bible study on Wednesday nights and I so look forward to it and it is so good, but its like, thats it. Thats my one spiritual moment of the entire week because so many people choose to argue with me and I can't let it go.

I don't mean to be a hypocrite, although if you met me thats what you would probably say. I just feel like I have all this pressure put on me by so many different things that I'm about to burst. My church is no comfort, all I have to get my mind off of it is my Wednesday nights. I've always gotten annoyed easily at people and it seems like Californians are much worse than other people I've been around. I get bossed around so much that I must come off as a door mat and then it builds up so that I get so mad and I write a blog about it and then people think all I do is complain, which might be true, but is not how I want to be.

So, here we go, until next Tuesday, no more door mat. I'll just say it like it is, and document it here, in case I ever get this crazy idea again, and hopefully after finding out my true feelings people will leave me alone.

But, to my friend, I'm glad you are back!!

That didn't go as bad as I thought...

I dread going to church every Sunday now.

I'm always tempted to "accidentally" oversleep since I'm usually the first one up in the mornings. Well, besides the kids, who I doubt slepp more than five or six hours a night...

For the past few weeks I've been giving one word answers to questions about how I'm feeling, etc. I knew that most of them would be in a really good mood today because this was the weekend of the womens retreat, and I was right.

Now let me say that they aren't all bad, but as my sister says I always attract the weirdos and it seems like the only ones in that particular place who want to talk to me are people who want to argue with me or have some kind of problem with something else I've done.

Today I got into a conversation with one of the best people there, she is so smart and practical and nice and I love being around her. She was asking me what i needed for the baby, which I told her I don't know because I don't, but it made me let my guard down, then the woman who argues with me came over and asked me all kinds of stuff and with every answer I gave her I was wincing because with that group you never know when something will be used against you.

I don't really know what to do in those situations. I'm afraid that they want to give me a baby shower and I don't know what I will do if thats the case. My plan was to be as vague as possible with them and when the baby came I would be home free, but after today I'm beating myself up because I was more open with them and I only see disaster.

I've always found it insulting when people, anyone at all, asks me how I expect to pay for a baby because we don't make a lot of money. I just don't think its anyone's business. I'm not even sure "how" I am going to pay for it but just like all the other bills and other stuff that comes up we will find a way. I don't care how much money anyone makes at this point in pregnancy all it takes is a natural disaster, job loss, fire, car accident, you name it, and they are stuck not knowing how they are going to pay for a baby either.

So I said all of that to say we have been asked that question by these people before so I don't want to accept any gifts or anything from them.

But this Sunday there was no arguing or "you should just do this" ing so I call it a good Sunday.

On a positive note, my mid week Bible study start this past week. Since my husband started seminary in the middle of the Bible study year last year, I was in a group that had already spent one semester together so they were all friends and I was the new girl, even though they were all very nice girls. I was glad to be able to go on the first night this year and see all the new people, some of whom were in their first semester and others who were newlyweds but their husbands were in their second or third year of school.

I'm excited for it all to get started so I can make friends there with women who are in the same situation as me, husband in school and far away from family. It will be so nice to be around someone who understands...

I'll know better next time.

One of our goals before we have this baby is to have the whole apartment cleaned out. The fact that we only have two bedrooms makes it a completely doable task -- one would think.

I had the great idea to clean out the kids room this weekend. The images I had layed out in my mind of the beginning, middle, and end so far are not what has progressed. I say so far because I am way far away from the end result. Probably about three hours worth of cleaning. ugh.

Yesterday we got off to a good start. I was cleaning out one side of the closet while they wiped off a wall with wipes.

Now let me elaborate on this wall. Our seven year old, then six, decided her wall was too boring with fresh white paint so she decided to get...something, maybe a black crayon, to write the numbers 1-20 in bubble numbers, very dark, which inspired the younger ones to then scribble in the whole space between bottom and top bunk. My attempts with goo gone, any kind of cleaner you can name, just soap and water, etc...all futile.

Somehow the wall under the window also had the same crayon smeared look even though I don't remember crayon being on that one so I got one of our clorox wipes and with lots of elbow grease that wall is almost completely clean.

So back to the whole room. They were getting crayon smudge off the wall and I was cleaning out the closet of shoes, toys, clothes, trash, you name it.

Then the fighting began. And never stopped.

I have one out of three that will help, and that goes for doing anything. The other two are better off being in a different part of the house when I'm trying to do something.

We did manage to get the big toy box emptied, after an hour of fighting about it. I got their old shoes in a box that as soon as I left the room (because I had a huge cramp in my belly from sitting so long on the floor) was knocked over and the shoes scattered.

Right now their room is a bigger mess than it has ever been. All the stuffed animals and trash need to be picked up and maybe they can walk in there. They have been playing on top bunk because thats the only place they fit. Its so much to clean that I'm a little overwhelmed. Maybe when they eat lunch I'll turn on a movie in the living room and get it cleaned.

Besides that, I have a huge ant trail in my bathroom, going to and from nothing, which is weird, and I want to finish my kitchen.

So much to do and no idea where to begin.

On another note, I recommend you look up Taylor Swift's new song Love Story. Good stuff, she wrote it herself. Also, I have my next appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping he does an ultrasound or I might just break in to the room and do it myself lol. This is my fourth kid I know how to run the machine.

to all those somebodies who actually read this.

I'm going on vacation, wanna come???

Okay, not really but I've always been a daydreamer and when things get bad I imagine this place in my mind...a beautiful cabin in the woods, next to a lake, where i catch my own food and sleep in a huge comfortable bed and the best part is NO ONE IS AROUND!!! Its just me and my thoughts.

I think it would be perfect except I can't actually sleep unless my husband is in the house and I've seen way too many scary movies to spend the night there.

hahaha, okay...

I've been thinking and thinking and decided the reason I don't like too many people is because they are too distracting. Think about it, those of you with more than four friends (which happens to be my count) You have to worry about whats going on in their lives, you have to keep in contact, if you want to go somewhere you wonder if they want to go, not to mention the phone calls and emails.

Now, I understand that if they are your friend, you want to do that. I have friends that are on my mind constantly, especially if they are going through a hard time. All my stuff takes a back burner.

I'm just saying having a lot of friends is not my thing.

When we first moved here, I wanted to get a job and get involved in whatever I could so I could meet people. i had been a stay at home mom for four years and besides one (of my four) friend, my world consisited of my very young children and my mom.

---Not bringing hubby into this because he is a whole different (very good) blog---

Anyway, since we have become a seminary family, my whole thinking has changed and I don't have a lot of time to analyze all that I want to think about, not to mention that my kids think whatever I'm doing at the time pales in importance to their constant need for food or drink.

I feel like I have so much to do before this baby comes, and so little time to do it all. I feel like everything needs ot be cleaned OUT and all I have time to do is surface stuff. I started on the kitchen but I got as far as doing most of the big dishes and running the dishwasher before I had to go turn off the water because no one was in the tub like he was supposed to be then I had to break up a fight and take out the trash then get on to them for making a huge mess in their bathroom which I just cleaned a few days ago then I cleaned the entry way and more of the same kid stuff so I got annoyed so now I'm blogging about it.

*sigh*

I would love to have one long Saturday to myself, where the kids are gone at like 8 am and not back until 5 or 6 that night. That is the only way I will get anything done. Even if I had naptime during the day that would help so much.

Anyway, sorry for yet another poor me blog but this is my therapy!

18 week appointment

I went to the doctor at 8:00 this morning. It was so convienent because I was able to go right after dropping Mycah off and I had a few minutes to myself before going in.

I don't want to be mean but I'm really glad that doctor is not delivering my baby. He seems kind of absent minded. Last time, I had my afp blood work done and almost a month ago I had a pap... and he wanted me to do both of them today. He didn't believe that I had either one done when I tried to tell him and I was not looking forward to having it all repeated.

Not sure if I mentioned but the nurse didn't fill out my paper work properly, or at all, so the afp people were calling and calling... so she had to call them today after they had been trying to get in touch for two weeks and give them my info. She also never called to get my pap results and any woman can tell you having to have it done once is enough!

I had to have blood work done, just like every other time I've been there. My veins are starting to not like that place lol. For some reason blood work hurts more when I'm pregnant, and today was no different. At one point, i think she shoved the needle in too far because it felt like she hit a nerve (seriously, all the way from my elbow to my shoulder!) and I looked and there was no blood pumping into the vial, she saw it too and backed out the needle but that didn't make it feel better. I'm left handed but I usually drive with my right. Not today! My arm was killing me so I just let it go limp beside my seat and it eventually felt better.

The good news, I'm holding my weight steady, so far no gain!!! It would be a dream come true to keep my current weight, then after the baby comes, be a little skinnier than before. And I say a little because I won't be able to buy new clothes for a while after...but continuing weight loss would be great.

Also, the baby is measuring right where it's supposed to and the heartbeat was strong. This time, when the doctor was checking the heart it kept changing and it brought back memories of my three older ones. When it sounds like a horse galloping, its coming from the back of the baby, is what my old nurse told me. Well, this time it was changing from the horse to just being loud to another sound I can't really explain. So my little one was active this time.

...................................

On another note, I've decided, for myself, to get more involved in seminary things. I no longer have the desire to open myself up to the women in my current church, but I don't think it would be good for me to just give up the whole faith since my husband is going to be a leader in it... I thought and thought, and this is what I came up with:

The women at sem wives are my age. They are away from home, just like me, their husbands are in school, like me. If they do have kids they are small, and the moms have to work.

At my church, they are older, the kids are older, therefore I get a lot of unsolicited advice. Which I hate. If you ever comment please do not give me advice on anything lol. No one at that church is interested in being my friend. And i don't mean email every once in a while or go to lunch where I get a lot of what I mentioned above... I mean a real friend, someone who i can talk to without being bashed or judged. I don't care if we talk once a month or every day, I just want someone to hang out with on a casual basis, not who thinks everything has to be a learning experience for me.

So, thats my decision. We are here for seminary, we have a church back home to get involved in if we move back there, so thats what my focus will be.

can't wait until January!!!

Those of you who keep up probably think I never have anything nice to say! It's not that exactly, its just that I have a lot of stress lately and no one to talk to about it. I feel like I can be a lot more honest with just a blank computer screen than in a conversation.

So, after all of that... I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I HAVE MY BABY!!!!!

I have been feeling it move so much over the past week. Just so its documented, I first started feeling little flutters at 17 weeks. I LOVE this point because no one can feel it but me. It makes the pregnancy seem so much more real and makes me sooo excited to meet my little boy or girl!!!

I got my 18 week email update today and it said my baby is the size of a big pickle, to which I thought mmmm... pickles... and then I realized how much the little one has grown in just a few months.

My dreams have gotten all wacky, too. I had one a few nights ago about the baby kicking and it would push its feet out so far that you could see the toes and everything through my skin. lol

The privacy will be nice this time. No baby shower, no relatives at the hospital... I will miss my mom like crazy because she is always such a help but I keep picturing myself rocking my newborn with no one else around and not expecting anyone and it just sounds so peaceful.

I want my hubby to take fewer classes in the spring. He is concerned because he thinks its because I will need all this help and it will be on him but the truth is I just want him there more. Just for me... I think I'll be fine with four, can't be too much harder than three, right?

countdown to back to school...and other things.

Thursday is the big day!! I Am going to cry like a baby when my five year old starts kindergarten!! it was different with my first one, she is so much more independent. Sage is the emotional one, the one who will argue her point without backing down...all good things for an adult, one who is trying to get ahead in the world. I hope she never loses it but I do hope she suppresses it when its time to listen and learn.

I have to go to the doctor before she goes to school. I hope its quick because 1) I wanted the morning to be about her and 2) I have gone to the doctor every Thursday since I got back from vacation, and I'm sick of it.

I'm a little over 15 weeks pregnant at this point. I am so excited about my baby. Words cannot even begin to describe it!! Our neighbors gave us a crib, which we spent half an hour trying to get into our room last night. We ended up having to take it most of the way apart to do so. I like our apartment layout but it is not ideal for moving furniture.

The crib is filled right now with baby toys and blankets, but I can't wait to buy either blue or pink clothes to store there!! It will almost be a shame to have a boy because I just gave away all my boy clothes to my sister, who has given most of them away to other people. She did it not having any idea I was expecting, but to have to start from scratch almost feels like a waste. Almost. I love to shop so in another way it gives me an excuse... ;)

I would love to have another girl just because my boy is so difficult. I thought he was getting easier but it turns out we just hadn't been anywhere in a while. We splurged a little and went out to eat yesterday after church, and he decided (luckily towards the end) that his feet were getting sweaty so he needed to take his shoes off and bring them around the table to me. I have this weird thing in restaurants about shoes. I think its gross to walk around barefoot in one and if you can walk, no matter what age, you should wear shoes in a place where strangers eat. He cried when I told him to put them back on and fought with his sister when I said for her to do it. I all of the sudden felt very sandwiched and claustrophobic between my husband and my oldest, who had moved to the seat next to me so she could have more room, so I got him out of there before I freaked due to the whole situation.

I have been talking to my old friend from Florida a lot lately. She is amazing. I only have about 4 friends, true friends, who I love dearly. I consider a friend someone who listens to me, who wants to hang out every now and then, who I can laugh with or be stupid around and not even think twice about being judged.

Lately, though, I've come across a different breed. One who would say they are friends with me but have no clue as to the definition of the word.

I understand we are in certain situations to be trained, so to speak...to learn, would be a better word... what i don't get (or like, or respect) is the people who think since they are around me, older than me, or whatever, that they know better than me in my situation and try to get me to do things their way.

I think it bothers me so much because I am totally that way. I would love to influence a lot of people to what I think is right, whether it be in religion, politics, abortion, child raising, driving, marriage...whatever. I have certain ways of doing things that I almost swear by, and sometimes when people tell me how they do things it drives me bonkers because, I'm a woman, my way is the right way. Luckily for everyone within 10 miles, I've learned to suppress my feelings. I'll only offer advice if its asked of me, because I simply hate it when people give me unsolicited advice.

Since this group has found out I'm going to have another baby, its practically flying out of the woodwork, it seems. I opened up to one person one day. I can be pretty negative but I didn't say anything bad about how hard its going to be or that I'm worried about anything...and I get a card saying they know how hard its going to be for me, "but God is still in control"

Just for review, and tmi, but sorry... I had a miscarriage in Feb/March...I had a cycle in April...I saw my husband one night a week during that time...and in May I got a positive pregnancy test. I know that God has a plan, i know that God is in control. It doesn't happen that fast for most people.

And, to be honest, I have no rememberance whatsoever about how much work a newborn is. When I had my kids, I was a stay at home mom with my mom within 15 minutes. This time, I'll have a few weeks off and have to get right back into it. I have no clue what I'm in for, but I'm looking forward to finding out. For myself.

Anyway...sorry for the vent. That one has been building up for a long time.

On a much brighter, better note, my husband has been really great these past few weeks. When I wanted hamburgers, he went out right after getting home from work to get me all the fixings, when I wanted pizza, we went grocery shopping to get some. He has done laundry, he has done dishes, cleaned any number of random things, and been such a huge help to me with the kids. I'm so glad to have him around. Its going to be sad when he goes back to school full time in a few weeks.

great vacation

We just got back from 3 weeks in Florida. We had the best time.

We drove this year which saved money and a lot of stress. I don't mind being on an airplane but flying with kids is a whole different experience.

We wanted to rent a van but all they had were cars, so we drove non stop in a red Pontiac. It was packed on the way to Florida, but we figured since 90% of our trunk was filled with clothes for my nephew, the ride back would be very comfortable.

We were wrong.

I was proud of myself, though. i went through 7 bags of hand me downs and ended up with 2 vacuum bags of clothes for my girls. That was giving a lot up. My mom, however, is quite the shopper so we were squshedeven moreso on the ride home. I even have a bruise on my leg from sitting next to the cooler in the front seat. We had a loaf of bread and four pack of tomatoes that were casualties as well.

My oldest child insisted that we go to Sea World, so we spent the day their with our parents. It was a good time. The kids loved all the animals and got to feed most of them.

I got to see/hold/babysit my nephew, which i have wanted to do since he was born last year. He has a very laid back temperment, but he is also into everything! When my dad and I babysat for him, i made corn dogs for lunch. I put him in the living room to get them out of the oven, but he was too fast for me. The first time, I couldn't find an oven mitt and he made it back to the kitchen (and near the hot stove) before I could get them out, then the second time I needed a plate... then I finally sat down and he pulled himself up and started grunting and hitting my plate for me to share. I knew my sister gave him food, but i didn't know how big or how much so I was hoping he wouldn't choke.

My youngest niece is still a little wild girl. She is the prettiest thing. She says she's a princess, so when you call her, you have to call her "princess" or whoever else she is going by at the time.

We had their pictures taken at a studio, and that refreshed my reasoning of why I only take snapshots of my children. The three oldest girls were fine, they have already had their days of not doing pictures, but my boy decided after two in which he was being really silly, that he was done, he put on his shoes and got everyone elses and was saying "I'm done with pictures. Lets go. Come on, Mom" and pulling my hand. My niece and nephew would have none of it. They both screamed and cried everytime they were put in front of the camera. I felt bad for my sister but I totally remember being in that position just a few years ago with my own. It certainly gets easier as they get older.

My parents backyard was infested with grasshoppers. Huge, ugly, grashoppers. I went to sit on the swing with my sister, there was one on the canopy, right over my seat. I got on the trampoline with my husband, TWO huge ugly things, just sitting there. The worst was July 4th. My cousin and her family came over, we were sitting around sipping margaritas when someone said "look at that!" looking up into the umbrella over the patio table. Sure enough, huge grasshopper. I moved where it was facing the opposite direction in case it jumped, then a few minutes later it turned and was facing my difrection again. I moved as far away from the table as I could when my dad walked over with the net for the pool. Holy crap. My dad is totally the type that would fling a bug no matter where I happened to be standing. i ran over to the swing only to find a grasshopper on the canopy again. My dad flung the grasshopper into the bushes which was only a small consolation but since I had never actually seen one jump I decided to keep my seat.

I was probably being a little over dramatic but I hate bugs with a passion and had one of those things actually gotten on me, i would not be here writing this blog. I would be in an institution somewhere lol.

My brother in law shot off the fireworks, but we could also see a couple of other shows going on around us. We only had two bottle rockets shoot off into the neighbors yard lol. By the time the show was over, there was only one kid remaining outside, the rest were watching Enchanted in my parents living room.

My little brother was gone for the first week, but when he came back, he acted just like he did last year. He insisted that we play monopoly. My mom bought over half the properties and most had 4 houses on them, so you would land on a spot and she would say "$1100" Andrew and I gave up pretty fast on that game.

A few nights later, my husband and I were playing Scrabble. He comes flying out of nowhere. "I'm playing" great. My husband takes a long time to put down a word, which is pretty normal, but my brother would sit there tapping his feet and swinging his body back and forth waiting to fling down a few titles that didn't even make a word, then insist that we let him keep it on the board. Between the two of them, I was really ready for the game to be over.

It wasn't until I went shopping with my mom that I realized how I've gotten used to doing it alone. I love to shop, but a lot of times I'll go into a store and walk through without looking at anything. My mom likes to look at everything. She kept picking out stuff for me that I could clearly see her wearing, but I wouldn't think twice about. It was difficult because I didn't want to shoot down everything she showed me, but figuring our space in the car I couldn't agree to a lot of stuff I wouldn't wear, either.

I'm also different in that even if I'm shopping for myself, if I don't find anything in my department, I go to the kids clothes or the mens, just to see if I can find any good deals. When I went with other people they kept saying I need to just look for stuff for me and I found that to be a good reason to go alone the next time. hahaha

We got to spend two nights with our friends, which was probably one of the major highlights of the trip. Its a shame we don't have friends out here who will just come over and play cards or have dinner and watch a movie. I've heard many times how people out here are so busy but i don't see the difference, really. Both of the couples we are friends with have multiple children and both the man and woman work...so I don't really get it but thats okay. You can't really replace old friends anyway.

some days you have to laugh...

Today was a doctor appointment day.

I planned on going to the girls school to finally sign Sage up for kindy, then head to the neighboring town for my appointment, come home, clean, pack, do laundry, etc.

Well, I was on the old road. I saw a silver thing on the road, but the truck in front of me went right over it and I thought it was flat. I found out when I was right over it that I was WRONG!!!

I t hit HARD under my van, and when I looked in the rear view, there was not only a big thing but scraps of something else.

I really was clueless. I heard a beeping and saw a light but i thought maybe if I could get to the doc, I could figure out what to do.

Well, I didn't make it. I made it a lot closer, though.

I got in touch with my hubby and he had to get the kids up and ready and call a tow truck and a friend who would come get me and take me to my appointment.

All of it worked out to where I was out of my appointment and had walked halfway back, was driven the other half, to where my van was and it was at that time that Shaun and the tow truck driver were there.

Whew!

So we're following the truck to the mechanic and then we get a ticket for our tag...but thats fixed easily enough.

Anyway, it just seemed for a while like nothing was going to go right today!!

So here we are at home just chilling out.

I'm not really sure what to do without my van, since I had so much to do that involved it today. Of course, I have tons of other stuff I CAN do, but nothing quite as fun....