Last night at work was so refreshing! My friend who was on vacation for a week and a half finally came back. There were all the usually annoyances that comes with working with other people, of course, but it was all so much better with someone to laugh it off with.
So to celebrate, I've decided to spend one week saying things I think to people who choose to argue with me.
Like my husband always says to me "anger hurts the person who is angry more than it hurts the person you are angry at" So, no more anger.
It stinks because I go to Bible study on Wednesday nights and I so look forward to it and it is so good, but its like, thats it. Thats my one spiritual moment of the entire week because so many people choose to argue with me and I can't let it go.
I don't mean to be a hypocrite, although if you met me thats what you would probably say. I just feel like I have all this pressure put on me by so many different things that I'm about to burst. My church is no comfort, all I have to get my mind off of it is my Wednesday nights. I've always gotten annoyed easily at people and it seems like Californians are much worse than other people I've been around. I get bossed around so much that I must come off as a door mat and then it builds up so that I get so mad and I write a blog about it and then people think all I do is complain, which might be true, but is not how I want to be.
So, here we go, until next Tuesday, no more door mat. I'll just say it like it is, and document it here, in case I ever get this crazy idea again, and hopefully after finding out my true feelings people will leave me alone.
But, to my friend, I'm glad you are back!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
That didn't go as bad as I thought...
I dread going to church every Sunday now.
I'm always tempted to "accidentally" oversleep since I'm usually the first one up in the mornings. Well, besides the kids, who I doubt slepp more than five or six hours a night...
For the past few weeks I've been giving one word answers to questions about how I'm feeling, etc. I knew that most of them would be in a really good mood today because this was the weekend of the womens retreat, and I was right.
Now let me say that they aren't all bad, but as my sister says I always attract the weirdos and it seems like the only ones in that particular place who want to talk to me are people who want to argue with me or have some kind of problem with something else I've done.
Today I got into a conversation with one of the best people there, she is so smart and practical and nice and I love being around her. She was asking me what i needed for the baby, which I told her I don't know because I don't, but it made me let my guard down, then the woman who argues with me came over and asked me all kinds of stuff and with every answer I gave her I was wincing because with that group you never know when something will be used against you.
I don't really know what to do in those situations. I'm afraid that they want to give me a baby shower and I don't know what I will do if thats the case. My plan was to be as vague as possible with them and when the baby came I would be home free, but after today I'm beating myself up because I was more open with them and I only see disaster.
I've always found it insulting when people, anyone at all, asks me how I expect to pay for a baby because we don't make a lot of money. I just don't think its anyone's business. I'm not even sure "how" I am going to pay for it but just like all the other bills and other stuff that comes up we will find a way. I don't care how much money anyone makes at this point in pregnancy all it takes is a natural disaster, job loss, fire, car accident, you name it, and they are stuck not knowing how they are going to pay for a baby either.
So I said all of that to say we have been asked that question by these people before so I don't want to accept any gifts or anything from them.
But this Sunday there was no arguing or "you should just do this" ing so I call it a good Sunday.
On a positive note, my mid week Bible study start this past week. Since my husband started seminary in the middle of the Bible study year last year, I was in a group that had already spent one semester together so they were all friends and I was the new girl, even though they were all very nice girls. I was glad to be able to go on the first night this year and see all the new people, some of whom were in their first semester and others who were newlyweds but their husbands were in their second or third year of school.
I'm excited for it all to get started so I can make friends there with women who are in the same situation as me, husband in school and far away from family. It will be so nice to be around someone who understands...
I'm always tempted to "accidentally" oversleep since I'm usually the first one up in the mornings. Well, besides the kids, who I doubt slepp more than five or six hours a night...
For the past few weeks I've been giving one word answers to questions about how I'm feeling, etc. I knew that most of them would be in a really good mood today because this was the weekend of the womens retreat, and I was right.
Now let me say that they aren't all bad, but as my sister says I always attract the weirdos and it seems like the only ones in that particular place who want to talk to me are people who want to argue with me or have some kind of problem with something else I've done.
Today I got into a conversation with one of the best people there, she is so smart and practical and nice and I love being around her. She was asking me what i needed for the baby, which I told her I don't know because I don't, but it made me let my guard down, then the woman who argues with me came over and asked me all kinds of stuff and with every answer I gave her I was wincing because with that group you never know when something will be used against you.
I don't really know what to do in those situations. I'm afraid that they want to give me a baby shower and I don't know what I will do if thats the case. My plan was to be as vague as possible with them and when the baby came I would be home free, but after today I'm beating myself up because I was more open with them and I only see disaster.
I've always found it insulting when people, anyone at all, asks me how I expect to pay for a baby because we don't make a lot of money. I just don't think its anyone's business. I'm not even sure "how" I am going to pay for it but just like all the other bills and other stuff that comes up we will find a way. I don't care how much money anyone makes at this point in pregnancy all it takes is a natural disaster, job loss, fire, car accident, you name it, and they are stuck not knowing how they are going to pay for a baby either.
So I said all of that to say we have been asked that question by these people before so I don't want to accept any gifts or anything from them.
But this Sunday there was no arguing or "you should just do this" ing so I call it a good Sunday.
On a positive note, my mid week Bible study start this past week. Since my husband started seminary in the middle of the Bible study year last year, I was in a group that had already spent one semester together so they were all friends and I was the new girl, even though they were all very nice girls. I was glad to be able to go on the first night this year and see all the new people, some of whom were in their first semester and others who were newlyweds but their husbands were in their second or third year of school.
I'm excited for it all to get started so I can make friends there with women who are in the same situation as me, husband in school and far away from family. It will be so nice to be around someone who understands...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
I'll know better next time.
One of our goals before we have this baby is to have the whole apartment cleaned out. The fact that we only have two bedrooms makes it a completely doable task -- one would think.
I had the great idea to clean out the kids room this weekend. The images I had layed out in my mind of the beginning, middle, and end so far are not what has progressed. I say so far because I am way far away from the end result. Probably about three hours worth of cleaning. ugh.
Yesterday we got off to a good start. I was cleaning out one side of the closet while they wiped off a wall with wipes.
Now let me elaborate on this wall. Our seven year old, then six, decided her wall was too boring with fresh white paint so she decided to get...something, maybe a black crayon, to write the numbers 1-20 in bubble numbers, very dark, which inspired the younger ones to then scribble in the whole space between bottom and top bunk. My attempts with goo gone, any kind of cleaner you can name, just soap and water, etc...all futile.
Somehow the wall under the window also had the same crayon smeared look even though I don't remember crayon being on that one so I got one of our clorox wipes and with lots of elbow grease that wall is almost completely clean.
So back to the whole room. They were getting crayon smudge off the wall and I was cleaning out the closet of shoes, toys, clothes, trash, you name it.
Then the fighting began. And never stopped.
I have one out of three that will help, and that goes for doing anything. The other two are better off being in a different part of the house when I'm trying to do something.
We did manage to get the big toy box emptied, after an hour of fighting about it. I got their old shoes in a box that as soon as I left the room (because I had a huge cramp in my belly from sitting so long on the floor) was knocked over and the shoes scattered.
Right now their room is a bigger mess than it has ever been. All the stuffed animals and trash need to be picked up and maybe they can walk in there. They have been playing on top bunk because thats the only place they fit. Its so much to clean that I'm a little overwhelmed. Maybe when they eat lunch I'll turn on a movie in the living room and get it cleaned.
Besides that, I have a huge ant trail in my bathroom, going to and from nothing, which is weird, and I want to finish my kitchen.
So much to do and no idea where to begin.
On another note, I recommend you look up Taylor Swift's new song Love Story. Good stuff, she wrote it herself. Also, I have my next appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping he does an ultrasound or I might just break in to the room and do it myself lol. This is my fourth kid I know how to run the machine.
I had the great idea to clean out the kids room this weekend. The images I had layed out in my mind of the beginning, middle, and end so far are not what has progressed. I say so far because I am way far away from the end result. Probably about three hours worth of cleaning. ugh.
Yesterday we got off to a good start. I was cleaning out one side of the closet while they wiped off a wall with wipes.
Now let me elaborate on this wall. Our seven year old, then six, decided her wall was too boring with fresh white paint so she decided to get...something, maybe a black crayon, to write the numbers 1-20 in bubble numbers, very dark, which inspired the younger ones to then scribble in the whole space between bottom and top bunk. My attempts with goo gone, any kind of cleaner you can name, just soap and water, etc...all futile.
Somehow the wall under the window also had the same crayon smeared look even though I don't remember crayon being on that one so I got one of our clorox wipes and with lots of elbow grease that wall is almost completely clean.
So back to the whole room. They were getting crayon smudge off the wall and I was cleaning out the closet of shoes, toys, clothes, trash, you name it.
Then the fighting began. And never stopped.
I have one out of three that will help, and that goes for doing anything. The other two are better off being in a different part of the house when I'm trying to do something.
We did manage to get the big toy box emptied, after an hour of fighting about it. I got their old shoes in a box that as soon as I left the room (because I had a huge cramp in my belly from sitting so long on the floor) was knocked over and the shoes scattered.
Right now their room is a bigger mess than it has ever been. All the stuffed animals and trash need to be picked up and maybe they can walk in there. They have been playing on top bunk because thats the only place they fit. Its so much to clean that I'm a little overwhelmed. Maybe when they eat lunch I'll turn on a movie in the living room and get it cleaned.
Besides that, I have a huge ant trail in my bathroom, going to and from nothing, which is weird, and I want to finish my kitchen.
So much to do and no idea where to begin.
On another note, I recommend you look up Taylor Swift's new song Love Story. Good stuff, she wrote it herself. Also, I have my next appointment on Thursday so I'm hoping he does an ultrasound or I might just break in to the room and do it myself lol. This is my fourth kid I know how to run the machine.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
to all those somebodies who actually read this.
I'm going on vacation, wanna come???
Okay, not really but I've always been a daydreamer and when things get bad I imagine this place in my mind...a beautiful cabin in the woods, next to a lake, where i catch my own food and sleep in a huge comfortable bed and the best part is NO ONE IS AROUND!!! Its just me and my thoughts.
I think it would be perfect except I can't actually sleep unless my husband is in the house and I've seen way too many scary movies to spend the night there.
hahaha, okay...
I've been thinking and thinking and decided the reason I don't like too many people is because they are too distracting. Think about it, those of you with more than four friends (which happens to be my count) You have to worry about whats going on in their lives, you have to keep in contact, if you want to go somewhere you wonder if they want to go, not to mention the phone calls and emails.
Now, I understand that if they are your friend, you want to do that. I have friends that are on my mind constantly, especially if they are going through a hard time. All my stuff takes a back burner.
I'm just saying having a lot of friends is not my thing.
When we first moved here, I wanted to get a job and get involved in whatever I could so I could meet people. i had been a stay at home mom for four years and besides one (of my four) friend, my world consisited of my very young children and my mom.
---Not bringing hubby into this because he is a whole different (very good) blog---
Anyway, since we have become a seminary family, my whole thinking has changed and I don't have a lot of time to analyze all that I want to think about, not to mention that my kids think whatever I'm doing at the time pales in importance to their constant need for food or drink.
I feel like I have so much to do before this baby comes, and so little time to do it all. I feel like everything needs ot be cleaned OUT and all I have time to do is surface stuff. I started on the kitchen but I got as far as doing most of the big dishes and running the dishwasher before I had to go turn off the water because no one was in the tub like he was supposed to be then I had to break up a fight and take out the trash then get on to them for making a huge mess in their bathroom which I just cleaned a few days ago then I cleaned the entry way and more of the same kid stuff so I got annoyed so now I'm blogging about it.
*sigh*
I would love to have one long Saturday to myself, where the kids are gone at like 8 am and not back until 5 or 6 that night. That is the only way I will get anything done. Even if I had naptime during the day that would help so much.
Anyway, sorry for yet another poor me blog but this is my therapy!
Okay, not really but I've always been a daydreamer and when things get bad I imagine this place in my mind...a beautiful cabin in the woods, next to a lake, where i catch my own food and sleep in a huge comfortable bed and the best part is NO ONE IS AROUND!!! Its just me and my thoughts.
I think it would be perfect except I can't actually sleep unless my husband is in the house and I've seen way too many scary movies to spend the night there.
hahaha, okay...
I've been thinking and thinking and decided the reason I don't like too many people is because they are too distracting. Think about it, those of you with more than four friends (which happens to be my count) You have to worry about whats going on in their lives, you have to keep in contact, if you want to go somewhere you wonder if they want to go, not to mention the phone calls and emails.
Now, I understand that if they are your friend, you want to do that. I have friends that are on my mind constantly, especially if they are going through a hard time. All my stuff takes a back burner.
I'm just saying having a lot of friends is not my thing.
When we first moved here, I wanted to get a job and get involved in whatever I could so I could meet people. i had been a stay at home mom for four years and besides one (of my four) friend, my world consisited of my very young children and my mom.
---Not bringing hubby into this because he is a whole different (very good) blog---
Anyway, since we have become a seminary family, my whole thinking has changed and I don't have a lot of time to analyze all that I want to think about, not to mention that my kids think whatever I'm doing at the time pales in importance to their constant need for food or drink.
I feel like I have so much to do before this baby comes, and so little time to do it all. I feel like everything needs ot be cleaned OUT and all I have time to do is surface stuff. I started on the kitchen but I got as far as doing most of the big dishes and running the dishwasher before I had to go turn off the water because no one was in the tub like he was supposed to be then I had to break up a fight and take out the trash then get on to them for making a huge mess in their bathroom which I just cleaned a few days ago then I cleaned the entry way and more of the same kid stuff so I got annoyed so now I'm blogging about it.
*sigh*
I would love to have one long Saturday to myself, where the kids are gone at like 8 am and not back until 5 or 6 that night. That is the only way I will get anything done. Even if I had naptime during the day that would help so much.
Anyway, sorry for yet another poor me blog but this is my therapy!
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