I've never been one to take medicine or see a doctor unless absolutely neccesary.
I took nighttime cold medicine for a mild sore throat and when I woke up I felt hungover and worse than I did the night before.
At least I feel a little more natural having a sore throat and cough.
So, during my follow up visit for my miscarriage, pandoras box was opened and they insisted on doing more blood work on me which, after a few more appointments, led to me being in Walmart yesterday having a perscription filled which I will have to take for the rest of my life.
Sucks, but I do have to say after taking the second one today I'm starting to feel a little better inside.
Maybe its just in my head.
Anyway, I started watching the movie Vanilla Sky halfway into it and althought it seemed to be pretty good, the ending ruined it for me.
I've started quite a few movies in the middle and wanted to watch it the whole way through next time so I can see how everything got to be the way it was, but not this time. Strange.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
la la la-la, la la la-la...
We're at that point in our grocery month where we have half of a lot of meals. Peanut butter and jelly, but no bread... roast, but no potatoes or carrots... tortillas, but nothing to fill them...
I just went through two of our 8, 926 cookbooks to get meals for a few weeks...like we ever eat something different every night for three weeks...but...the point is that there is a lot of good food to be made starting in two weeks when we get our grocery checks.
Yeah, we have rent check week and then grocery check week...
I prefer grocery check week becausae its also extra money week...which isn't much, but, anyway...
In case anyone reads this besides me, we have plenty of food to last until then, so...no worries, my kids will not go hungry.
I was planning on us going to the beach on Monday and then about an hour ago I had the great idea that we could go today so I checked the weather and its going to be way to cold all week to go there.
My little first grader is on spring break and I would hate for her to have to sit here for two weeks.
Maybe we could go to the park or something.
*sigh*
I just went through two of our 8, 926 cookbooks to get meals for a few weeks...like we ever eat something different every night for three weeks...but...the point is that there is a lot of good food to be made starting in two weeks when we get our grocery checks.
Yeah, we have rent check week and then grocery check week...
I prefer grocery check week becausae its also extra money week...which isn't much, but, anyway...
In case anyone reads this besides me, we have plenty of food to last until then, so...no worries, my kids will not go hungry.
I was planning on us going to the beach on Monday and then about an hour ago I had the great idea that we could go today so I checked the weather and its going to be way to cold all week to go there.
My little first grader is on spring break and I would hate for her to have to sit here for two weeks.
Maybe we could go to the park or something.
*sigh*
Friday, March 28, 2008
LOST (no, really, I was!)
I took a wrong turn after my (kind of annoying but whatever) doctors appointment today and ended up somewhere completely new.
Or so I thought...
I had seen too many cars drive down the road in front of the doctors office for it to not go anywhere, and turns out, it did lead right back to the road I was headed to.... but...I turned the wrong way on that road and it led me to this interesting mountain-on-one-side, valley-on-the-other highway-looking thing that seemed to have no way for cars to turn around. Legally.
I did what any well educated girl would do and called my husband. Surely, being a man, he would know exactly where I was and tell me how to get home, right?
Well, turns out, thanks to the modern marvel we call "mapquest" he was able to tell me where I was.
I shortly came up on a little town known as Piru, and all my qualms about not knowing where I was exactly eased completely away and I was able to turn around.
Not the first or last time being lost for me, but this time I saw the Ventura county line and knew the beach would come up eventually and I'd have some good radio the whole way. I had plenty of gas and some chocolate to keep me busy, so I was fine no matter what time I got home. :o)
Or so I thought...
I had seen too many cars drive down the road in front of the doctors office for it to not go anywhere, and turns out, it did lead right back to the road I was headed to.... but...I turned the wrong way on that road and it led me to this interesting mountain-on-one-side, valley-on-the-other highway-looking thing that seemed to have no way for cars to turn around. Legally.
I did what any well educated girl would do and called my husband. Surely, being a man, he would know exactly where I was and tell me how to get home, right?
Well, turns out, thanks to the modern marvel we call "mapquest" he was able to tell me where I was.
I shortly came up on a little town known as Piru, and all my qualms about not knowing where I was exactly eased completely away and I was able to turn around.
Not the first or last time being lost for me, but this time I saw the Ventura county line and knew the beach would come up eventually and I'd have some good radio the whole way. I had plenty of gas and some chocolate to keep me busy, so I was fine no matter what time I got home. :o)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
still getting used to this
I'm still getting into blogging here. It was a lot different with my previous site. I knew my audience well and was very comfortable writing about nothing in particular.
For some reason now I feel like I have to have an interesting topic and really good grammer to go along with it.
I really don't have enough of a life to have interesting topics, lol.
This time of morning seems to be the longest time of day. Its the stretch between getting off work and taking my kid to school. Today the time is longer because of our easy night at work last night.
I can't really do anything because I would wake everyone up, but oh how nice it would be to be able to get something accomplished without my little ones hanging around!
Maybe I can do some dishes quietly or something.
This weekend is the official end of my weekends as I've known them for most of the last year and a half. I will greatly miss my Thursdays through Saturdays off. Now I'm off into who knows what until my new schedule starts. blech.
I'm really weird about change. Sometimes I crave it, sometimes I dread it.
We're having a readathon this week, and I never knew how hard it would be to read 5 hours in a week. Thats the minimum. We read tons of books on Monday, Tuesday during breakfast, yesterday afternoon, and I counted the time at 34 minutes.
Maybe we can hit the library today and get real books instead of the beginning reader books (which, by the way, most of those only take 3 minutes to read, including time spent making sure everyone sees the pictures.)
Dr Suess takes 7 minutes, so we need more of those.
For some reason now I feel like I have to have an interesting topic and really good grammer to go along with it.
I really don't have enough of a life to have interesting topics, lol.
This time of morning seems to be the longest time of day. Its the stretch between getting off work and taking my kid to school. Today the time is longer because of our easy night at work last night.
I can't really do anything because I would wake everyone up, but oh how nice it would be to be able to get something accomplished without my little ones hanging around!
Maybe I can do some dishes quietly or something.
This weekend is the official end of my weekends as I've known them for most of the last year and a half. I will greatly miss my Thursdays through Saturdays off. Now I'm off into who knows what until my new schedule starts. blech.
I'm really weird about change. Sometimes I crave it, sometimes I dread it.
We're having a readathon this week, and I never knew how hard it would be to read 5 hours in a week. Thats the minimum. We read tons of books on Monday, Tuesday during breakfast, yesterday afternoon, and I counted the time at 34 minutes.
Maybe we can hit the library today and get real books instead of the beginning reader books (which, by the way, most of those only take 3 minutes to read, including time spent making sure everyone sees the pictures.)
Dr Suess takes 7 minutes, so we need more of those.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
light of my life
I always feel better about sending my kids into an unfamiliar situation if I prepare them a little for what they are about to face.
Just to use a random example, if they had never been Easter egg hunting, I would say something like: "We'll go to the park, you, you sister and brother will go with Dad or mom while the other parent hides the eggs, then we'll go find them and we'll all be together and its just supposed to be a fun time. Don't worry about how many eggs you find, just have fun looking for them."
My oldest child loves to mimic everything I do, so since she was about 3 she has explained things to me in the same way I explain things to her to make her feel more secure.
Lately, even my little boy has picked up on the information cycle and he'll tell me, "Mom, first the garbage truck comes, then it brings the garbage, then it takes the can and then it goes home"
Its so funny to listen to it all drawn out in such a logical manner.
The little ones are also learning how to tell time, and they argue about it constantly on the days we have to pick their sister up from school: "Mo-o-m!! It's twenty o'clock!!" My boy will say, while my daughter, who does know her numbers, will jump in: "NO its not!! its 85-3!!" Which would translate to 8:53 for others of us. And they go back and forth until I quit laughing long enough to explain to them what time it really is and how much time until we have to leave.
There are others, too. The freezer is the "frozen" tv is "tewa-bision" and everything is said with a southern accent even though they have pretty much been raised in CA.
Just to use a random example, if they had never been Easter egg hunting, I would say something like: "We'll go to the park, you, you sister and brother will go with Dad or mom while the other parent hides the eggs, then we'll go find them and we'll all be together and its just supposed to be a fun time. Don't worry about how many eggs you find, just have fun looking for them."
My oldest child loves to mimic everything I do, so since she was about 3 she has explained things to me in the same way I explain things to her to make her feel more secure.
Lately, even my little boy has picked up on the information cycle and he'll tell me, "Mom, first the garbage truck comes, then it brings the garbage, then it takes the can and then it goes home"
Its so funny to listen to it all drawn out in such a logical manner.
The little ones are also learning how to tell time, and they argue about it constantly on the days we have to pick their sister up from school: "Mo-o-m!! It's twenty o'clock!!" My boy will say, while my daughter, who does know her numbers, will jump in: "NO its not!! its 85-3!!" Which would translate to 8:53 for others of us. And they go back and forth until I quit laughing long enough to explain to them what time it really is and how much time until we have to leave.
There are others, too. The freezer is the "frozen" tv is "tewa-bision" and everything is said with a southern accent even though they have pretty much been raised in CA.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
must be something in the air
This is one of those weekends when nothing goes the way its supposed to.
I know we had fun yesterday, but there was still that sense of tension or something...I can't quite put my finger on it.
Today started out rough, but got better, then went sour again...
We reached an agreement in house cleaning today. We both come from homes that were pretty much kept spotless, both parents worked full time in each case, so I'm not sure where we went so wrong in our own duties, but, after 7 1/2 years of marriage, we still haven't figured it out.
Some things just exhaust me. I made the mistake of buying a gift for my daughter for Easter with about 500 little foam pieces. I've cleaned it up twice today, and it was still pulled back out again but this time I made the kids pick it up.
I was trying to decide where to put it when I got a phone call, then the kids needed to eat, then I was thinking about doing the dishes and I spotted all the foam all over the floor.
I guess when I'm 50 and the kids are grown and on their own, I'll miss all the messes they make now.
Well, thats what I'm told, anyway. Still wondering about that one.
I know we had fun yesterday, but there was still that sense of tension or something...I can't quite put my finger on it.
Today started out rough, but got better, then went sour again...
We reached an agreement in house cleaning today. We both come from homes that were pretty much kept spotless, both parents worked full time in each case, so I'm not sure where we went so wrong in our own duties, but, after 7 1/2 years of marriage, we still haven't figured it out.
Some things just exhaust me. I made the mistake of buying a gift for my daughter for Easter with about 500 little foam pieces. I've cleaned it up twice today, and it was still pulled back out again but this time I made the kids pick it up.
I was trying to decide where to put it when I got a phone call, then the kids needed to eat, then I was thinking about doing the dishes and I spotted all the foam all over the floor.
I guess when I'm 50 and the kids are grown and on their own, I'll miss all the messes they make now.
Well, thats what I'm told, anyway. Still wondering about that one.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
...and counting
This semester began (officially) my countdown to moving day. We have been in this city for almost three years with three to go.
It's not a bad place by any means, but its definitely not home.
This being Easter weekend we had a lot of plans for the holiday.
It has seemed that since our children have gotten older, and as we are seperated so far by miles from our families, Easter has become the most fun holiday for us to celebrate together.
This morning we went to the city wide egg hunt, which was a blast for my littlest one who finally "gets" the egg hunting thing. He wore a huge smile the whole time and even managed to get six eggs in the crowd of little ones all going in different directions.
They also had a huge Spongebob bouncy thing (thats our family name for it, lol) that had to be tried by all.
We colored our eggs, Daddy even glittered one of his own with our kit, and went to a nice park to hunt again.
With our crazy schedules, we hardly ever get out as a family so it was nice to have one day with nothing to do but have a good time. It's important to have some time away from the computer and deadlines and just be together. These are the times that create memories and bring back that sense of family that seems to be lost in the hussle of a busy week.
So, here we are at the end of our day, tomorrow is Easter, one down, two more to go before we are cleaning out and rounding up to move on to another adventure.
It's not a bad place by any means, but its definitely not home.
This being Easter weekend we had a lot of plans for the holiday.
It has seemed that since our children have gotten older, and as we are seperated so far by miles from our families, Easter has become the most fun holiday for us to celebrate together.
This morning we went to the city wide egg hunt, which was a blast for my littlest one who finally "gets" the egg hunting thing. He wore a huge smile the whole time and even managed to get six eggs in the crowd of little ones all going in different directions.
They also had a huge Spongebob bouncy thing (thats our family name for it, lol) that had to be tried by all.
We colored our eggs, Daddy even glittered one of his own with our kit, and went to a nice park to hunt again.
With our crazy schedules, we hardly ever get out as a family so it was nice to have one day with nothing to do but have a good time. It's important to have some time away from the computer and deadlines and just be together. These are the times that create memories and bring back that sense of family that seems to be lost in the hussle of a busy week.
So, here we are at the end of our day, tomorrow is Easter, one down, two more to go before we are cleaning out and rounding up to move on to another adventure.
Friday, March 21, 2008
I'll always have you
Fridays have new meaning.
On Friday, Februaury 29, I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, i get that it was probably for the best --most of them happen because of a genetic defect--
I get that it would have been my fourth child, so I'm not really missing out on anything, but all of that is just my head, my logical response to something that has traumatized me emotionally.
I've been really depressed for the past three weeks. I once always considered myself to be very honest about my feelings but since this all happened I'm only happy, safe, secure...around my family in the comfort of my own home.
I've been living life normal partly because I have to and partly because I'm so far away from my comfort zone and I don't have anyone out here I can trust with my feelings.
I know people will listen but no one will truly understand.
So i don't know what to do with myself.
My husband is in training to be a pastor, so I should have all the answers right? I should be able to say recite bible verses and carry a real smile and know that God wants only the best for me, so I will be willing and happy no matter what, right?
I'm just not.
I do believe God has a higher plan, that it is best that for whatever reason, the baby wasn't whole and my body did the right thing.
I also believe that we have trials and this life is not always happy go lucky and I don't have to smile and its okay to cry.
I just found out a few minutes ago that a family member is pregnant. I really wanted to just hang up the phone and cry, but I didn't let myself.
I feel like something is wrong with me even though I know thats not true at the same time.
When I was pregnant with my first child, i had a friend who had two miscarriages during that 9 months. She never said anything to me about her emotions at that time, but now I would like to find her again just so I could have someone to relate to. Other than her, I've never known anyone who has gone through this.
The title of this blog comes from Jordin Sparks song "Tattoo" which is probably not about a baby but thats what I think of when I hear it. :D
On Friday, Februaury 29, I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, i get that it was probably for the best --most of them happen because of a genetic defect--
I get that it would have been my fourth child, so I'm not really missing out on anything, but all of that is just my head, my logical response to something that has traumatized me emotionally.
I've been really depressed for the past three weeks. I once always considered myself to be very honest about my feelings but since this all happened I'm only happy, safe, secure...around my family in the comfort of my own home.
I've been living life normal partly because I have to and partly because I'm so far away from my comfort zone and I don't have anyone out here I can trust with my feelings.
I know people will listen but no one will truly understand.
So i don't know what to do with myself.
My husband is in training to be a pastor, so I should have all the answers right? I should be able to say recite bible verses and carry a real smile and know that God wants only the best for me, so I will be willing and happy no matter what, right?
I'm just not.
I do believe God has a higher plan, that it is best that for whatever reason, the baby wasn't whole and my body did the right thing.
I also believe that we have trials and this life is not always happy go lucky and I don't have to smile and its okay to cry.
I just found out a few minutes ago that a family member is pregnant. I really wanted to just hang up the phone and cry, but I didn't let myself.
I feel like something is wrong with me even though I know thats not true at the same time.
When I was pregnant with my first child, i had a friend who had two miscarriages during that 9 months. She never said anything to me about her emotions at that time, but now I would like to find her again just so I could have someone to relate to. Other than her, I've never known anyone who has gone through this.
The title of this blog comes from Jordin Sparks song "Tattoo" which is probably not about a baby but thats what I think of when I hear it. :D
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