18 week appointment

I went to the doctor at 8:00 this morning. It was so convienent because I was able to go right after dropping Mycah off and I had a few minutes to myself before going in.

I don't want to be mean but I'm really glad that doctor is not delivering my baby. He seems kind of absent minded. Last time, I had my afp blood work done and almost a month ago I had a pap... and he wanted me to do both of them today. He didn't believe that I had either one done when I tried to tell him and I was not looking forward to having it all repeated.

Not sure if I mentioned but the nurse didn't fill out my paper work properly, or at all, so the afp people were calling and calling... so she had to call them today after they had been trying to get in touch for two weeks and give them my info. She also never called to get my pap results and any woman can tell you having to have it done once is enough!

I had to have blood work done, just like every other time I've been there. My veins are starting to not like that place lol. For some reason blood work hurts more when I'm pregnant, and today was no different. At one point, i think she shoved the needle in too far because it felt like she hit a nerve (seriously, all the way from my elbow to my shoulder!) and I looked and there was no blood pumping into the vial, she saw it too and backed out the needle but that didn't make it feel better. I'm left handed but I usually drive with my right. Not today! My arm was killing me so I just let it go limp beside my seat and it eventually felt better.

The good news, I'm holding my weight steady, so far no gain!!! It would be a dream come true to keep my current weight, then after the baby comes, be a little skinnier than before. And I say a little because I won't be able to buy new clothes for a while after...but continuing weight loss would be great.

Also, the baby is measuring right where it's supposed to and the heartbeat was strong. This time, when the doctor was checking the heart it kept changing and it brought back memories of my three older ones. When it sounds like a horse galloping, its coming from the back of the baby, is what my old nurse told me. Well, this time it was changing from the horse to just being loud to another sound I can't really explain. So my little one was active this time.

...................................

On another note, I've decided, for myself, to get more involved in seminary things. I no longer have the desire to open myself up to the women in my current church, but I don't think it would be good for me to just give up the whole faith since my husband is going to be a leader in it... I thought and thought, and this is what I came up with:

The women at sem wives are my age. They are away from home, just like me, their husbands are in school, like me. If they do have kids they are small, and the moms have to work.

At my church, they are older, the kids are older, therefore I get a lot of unsolicited advice. Which I hate. If you ever comment please do not give me advice on anything lol. No one at that church is interested in being my friend. And i don't mean email every once in a while or go to lunch where I get a lot of what I mentioned above... I mean a real friend, someone who i can talk to without being bashed or judged. I don't care if we talk once a month or every day, I just want someone to hang out with on a casual basis, not who thinks everything has to be a learning experience for me.

So, thats my decision. We are here for seminary, we have a church back home to get involved in if we move back there, so thats what my focus will be.

can't wait until January!!!

Those of you who keep up probably think I never have anything nice to say! It's not that exactly, its just that I have a lot of stress lately and no one to talk to about it. I feel like I can be a lot more honest with just a blank computer screen than in a conversation.

So, after all of that... I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I HAVE MY BABY!!!!!

I have been feeling it move so much over the past week. Just so its documented, I first started feeling little flutters at 17 weeks. I LOVE this point because no one can feel it but me. It makes the pregnancy seem so much more real and makes me sooo excited to meet my little boy or girl!!!

I got my 18 week email update today and it said my baby is the size of a big pickle, to which I thought mmmm... pickles... and then I realized how much the little one has grown in just a few months.

My dreams have gotten all wacky, too. I had one a few nights ago about the baby kicking and it would push its feet out so far that you could see the toes and everything through my skin. lol

The privacy will be nice this time. No baby shower, no relatives at the hospital... I will miss my mom like crazy because she is always such a help but I keep picturing myself rocking my newborn with no one else around and not expecting anyone and it just sounds so peaceful.

I want my hubby to take fewer classes in the spring. He is concerned because he thinks its because I will need all this help and it will be on him but the truth is I just want him there more. Just for me... I think I'll be fine with four, can't be too much harder than three, right?

countdown to back to school...and other things.

Thursday is the big day!! I Am going to cry like a baby when my five year old starts kindergarten!! it was different with my first one, she is so much more independent. Sage is the emotional one, the one who will argue her point without backing down...all good things for an adult, one who is trying to get ahead in the world. I hope she never loses it but I do hope she suppresses it when its time to listen and learn.

I have to go to the doctor before she goes to school. I hope its quick because 1) I wanted the morning to be about her and 2) I have gone to the doctor every Thursday since I got back from vacation, and I'm sick of it.

I'm a little over 15 weeks pregnant at this point. I am so excited about my baby. Words cannot even begin to describe it!! Our neighbors gave us a crib, which we spent half an hour trying to get into our room last night. We ended up having to take it most of the way apart to do so. I like our apartment layout but it is not ideal for moving furniture.

The crib is filled right now with baby toys and blankets, but I can't wait to buy either blue or pink clothes to store there!! It will almost be a shame to have a boy because I just gave away all my boy clothes to my sister, who has given most of them away to other people. She did it not having any idea I was expecting, but to have to start from scratch almost feels like a waste. Almost. I love to shop so in another way it gives me an excuse... ;)

I would love to have another girl just because my boy is so difficult. I thought he was getting easier but it turns out we just hadn't been anywhere in a while. We splurged a little and went out to eat yesterday after church, and he decided (luckily towards the end) that his feet were getting sweaty so he needed to take his shoes off and bring them around the table to me. I have this weird thing in restaurants about shoes. I think its gross to walk around barefoot in one and if you can walk, no matter what age, you should wear shoes in a place where strangers eat. He cried when I told him to put them back on and fought with his sister when I said for her to do it. I all of the sudden felt very sandwiched and claustrophobic between my husband and my oldest, who had moved to the seat next to me so she could have more room, so I got him out of there before I freaked due to the whole situation.

I have been talking to my old friend from Florida a lot lately. She is amazing. I only have about 4 friends, true friends, who I love dearly. I consider a friend someone who listens to me, who wants to hang out every now and then, who I can laugh with or be stupid around and not even think twice about being judged.

Lately, though, I've come across a different breed. One who would say they are friends with me but have no clue as to the definition of the word.

I understand we are in certain situations to be trained, so to speak...to learn, would be a better word... what i don't get (or like, or respect) is the people who think since they are around me, older than me, or whatever, that they know better than me in my situation and try to get me to do things their way.

I think it bothers me so much because I am totally that way. I would love to influence a lot of people to what I think is right, whether it be in religion, politics, abortion, child raising, driving, marriage...whatever. I have certain ways of doing things that I almost swear by, and sometimes when people tell me how they do things it drives me bonkers because, I'm a woman, my way is the right way. Luckily for everyone within 10 miles, I've learned to suppress my feelings. I'll only offer advice if its asked of me, because I simply hate it when people give me unsolicited advice.

Since this group has found out I'm going to have another baby, its practically flying out of the woodwork, it seems. I opened up to one person one day. I can be pretty negative but I didn't say anything bad about how hard its going to be or that I'm worried about anything...and I get a card saying they know how hard its going to be for me, "but God is still in control"

Just for review, and tmi, but sorry... I had a miscarriage in Feb/March...I had a cycle in April...I saw my husband one night a week during that time...and in May I got a positive pregnancy test. I know that God has a plan, i know that God is in control. It doesn't happen that fast for most people.

And, to be honest, I have no rememberance whatsoever about how much work a newborn is. When I had my kids, I was a stay at home mom with my mom within 15 minutes. This time, I'll have a few weeks off and have to get right back into it. I have no clue what I'm in for, but I'm looking forward to finding out. For myself.

Anyway...sorry for the vent. That one has been building up for a long time.

On a much brighter, better note, my husband has been really great these past few weeks. When I wanted hamburgers, he went out right after getting home from work to get me all the fixings, when I wanted pizza, we went grocery shopping to get some. He has done laundry, he has done dishes, cleaned any number of random things, and been such a huge help to me with the kids. I'm so glad to have him around. Its going to be sad when he goes back to school full time in a few weeks.

great vacation

We just got back from 3 weeks in Florida. We had the best time.

We drove this year which saved money and a lot of stress. I don't mind being on an airplane but flying with kids is a whole different experience.

We wanted to rent a van but all they had were cars, so we drove non stop in a red Pontiac. It was packed on the way to Florida, but we figured since 90% of our trunk was filled with clothes for my nephew, the ride back would be very comfortable.

We were wrong.

I was proud of myself, though. i went through 7 bags of hand me downs and ended up with 2 vacuum bags of clothes for my girls. That was giving a lot up. My mom, however, is quite the shopper so we were squshedeven moreso on the ride home. I even have a bruise on my leg from sitting next to the cooler in the front seat. We had a loaf of bread and four pack of tomatoes that were casualties as well.

My oldest child insisted that we go to Sea World, so we spent the day their with our parents. It was a good time. The kids loved all the animals and got to feed most of them.

I got to see/hold/babysit my nephew, which i have wanted to do since he was born last year. He has a very laid back temperment, but he is also into everything! When my dad and I babysat for him, i made corn dogs for lunch. I put him in the living room to get them out of the oven, but he was too fast for me. The first time, I couldn't find an oven mitt and he made it back to the kitchen (and near the hot stove) before I could get them out, then the second time I needed a plate... then I finally sat down and he pulled himself up and started grunting and hitting my plate for me to share. I knew my sister gave him food, but i didn't know how big or how much so I was hoping he wouldn't choke.

My youngest niece is still a little wild girl. She is the prettiest thing. She says she's a princess, so when you call her, you have to call her "princess" or whoever else she is going by at the time.

We had their pictures taken at a studio, and that refreshed my reasoning of why I only take snapshots of my children. The three oldest girls were fine, they have already had their days of not doing pictures, but my boy decided after two in which he was being really silly, that he was done, he put on his shoes and got everyone elses and was saying "I'm done with pictures. Lets go. Come on, Mom" and pulling my hand. My niece and nephew would have none of it. They both screamed and cried everytime they were put in front of the camera. I felt bad for my sister but I totally remember being in that position just a few years ago with my own. It certainly gets easier as they get older.

My parents backyard was infested with grasshoppers. Huge, ugly, grashoppers. I went to sit on the swing with my sister, there was one on the canopy, right over my seat. I got on the trampoline with my husband, TWO huge ugly things, just sitting there. The worst was July 4th. My cousin and her family came over, we were sitting around sipping margaritas when someone said "look at that!" looking up into the umbrella over the patio table. Sure enough, huge grasshopper. I moved where it was facing the opposite direction in case it jumped, then a few minutes later it turned and was facing my difrection again. I moved as far away from the table as I could when my dad walked over with the net for the pool. Holy crap. My dad is totally the type that would fling a bug no matter where I happened to be standing. i ran over to the swing only to find a grasshopper on the canopy again. My dad flung the grasshopper into the bushes which was only a small consolation but since I had never actually seen one jump I decided to keep my seat.

I was probably being a little over dramatic but I hate bugs with a passion and had one of those things actually gotten on me, i would not be here writing this blog. I would be in an institution somewhere lol.

My brother in law shot off the fireworks, but we could also see a couple of other shows going on around us. We only had two bottle rockets shoot off into the neighbors yard lol. By the time the show was over, there was only one kid remaining outside, the rest were watching Enchanted in my parents living room.

My little brother was gone for the first week, but when he came back, he acted just like he did last year. He insisted that we play monopoly. My mom bought over half the properties and most had 4 houses on them, so you would land on a spot and she would say "$1100" Andrew and I gave up pretty fast on that game.

A few nights later, my husband and I were playing Scrabble. He comes flying out of nowhere. "I'm playing" great. My husband takes a long time to put down a word, which is pretty normal, but my brother would sit there tapping his feet and swinging his body back and forth waiting to fling down a few titles that didn't even make a word, then insist that we let him keep it on the board. Between the two of them, I was really ready for the game to be over.

It wasn't until I went shopping with my mom that I realized how I've gotten used to doing it alone. I love to shop, but a lot of times I'll go into a store and walk through without looking at anything. My mom likes to look at everything. She kept picking out stuff for me that I could clearly see her wearing, but I wouldn't think twice about. It was difficult because I didn't want to shoot down everything she showed me, but figuring our space in the car I couldn't agree to a lot of stuff I wouldn't wear, either.

I'm also different in that even if I'm shopping for myself, if I don't find anything in my department, I go to the kids clothes or the mens, just to see if I can find any good deals. When I went with other people they kept saying I need to just look for stuff for me and I found that to be a good reason to go alone the next time. hahaha

We got to spend two nights with our friends, which was probably one of the major highlights of the trip. Its a shame we don't have friends out here who will just come over and play cards or have dinner and watch a movie. I've heard many times how people out here are so busy but i don't see the difference, really. Both of the couples we are friends with have multiple children and both the man and woman work...so I don't really get it but thats okay. You can't really replace old friends anyway.

some days you have to laugh...

Today was a doctor appointment day.

I planned on going to the girls school to finally sign Sage up for kindy, then head to the neighboring town for my appointment, come home, clean, pack, do laundry, etc.

Well, I was on the old road. I saw a silver thing on the road, but the truck in front of me went right over it and I thought it was flat. I found out when I was right over it that I was WRONG!!!

I t hit HARD under my van, and when I looked in the rear view, there was not only a big thing but scraps of something else.

I really was clueless. I heard a beeping and saw a light but i thought maybe if I could get to the doc, I could figure out what to do.

Well, I didn't make it. I made it a lot closer, though.

I got in touch with my hubby and he had to get the kids up and ready and call a tow truck and a friend who would come get me and take me to my appointment.

All of it worked out to where I was out of my appointment and had walked halfway back, was driven the other half, to where my van was and it was at that time that Shaun and the tow truck driver were there.

Whew!

So we're following the truck to the mechanic and then we get a ticket for our tag...but thats fixed easily enough.

Anyway, it just seemed for a while like nothing was going to go right today!!

So here we are at home just chilling out.

I'm not really sure what to do without my van, since I had so much to do that involved it today. Of course, I have tons of other stuff I CAN do, but nothing quite as fun....

One good thing about kids...

Today one of my kids had a doctor appointment. I hate taking all three of them anywhere with a passion, because they usually act like escaped wild animals.

I have to say that today they weren't bad at all.

So we did the doctor thing, everything was fine until Sage had to have her finger pricked which made her scream and cry in her own overdoing it way. :) I mean, I know it hurts, but she has a way of letting you know she is more pissed than hurt and that was the cry she had.

So we left the lab and walked to the waiting room and I saw the other two women looking at my son with big smiles on their faces. He wasn't doing anything especially cute at the time so I looked down and saw that after he went potty, he had his boxers pulled all the way up to his chest, over his shirt, and twisted one direction and his shorts barely pulled up and twisted the other direction. I guess in my rush to get Sage finished I left him on his own to fix himself.

Shaun and I laugh at them a lot because they don't have the mindset of being decent, for lack of a better word. If you are going somewhere, they want to go no matter if they still have on their pajamas or just a shirt with nothing underneath.

When we got to the doctors office, i was able to turn on the street, get all the way over and turn left without a problem. When we left, I did good to turn right and get into the first lane. ugh. I hate those situations. So I drove down the street, thinking surely it hits the freeway again. Wrong. I was about to turn around when I found the road the seminary is on. We eventually came to the 405 but it was too packed for me to get over. No worries, i thought, the 170 is close by. When we got to the end of the road I realized I was wrong again, so I turned down a side road intending to make a square kind of to get back to where I was. No go. The street went away from where I wanted to go. I figured with all the main roads crossing, surely I would come across one eventually.

I had little more than a quarter of a tank and I misplaced my card so there was no getting more. Great, I thought. So I turn on this main road and somehow get to the 101. Well, that was better than nothing so I took it. I find it ironic that I live so far away from the coast and yet, everytime i get lost, I find the 101.

So it took us two hours to get home, it took us 30 minutes to get to the doctors office.

I actually love the drive on the 126. I think its so pretty with all the stuff growing and if we would have had money today, we would have bought some strawberries.

For me, our journey was like a pre-vacation. The kids were fine in the car, although the girls were making annoying noises, I had my window down so I didn't hear them, i only heard Jake yelling at them. lol

In just 9 days, we are going to be driving cross country so it gave me hope that they would make it for the long drive back home.

Takes me back...

The movie Fools Rush In is on. This is the first movie Shaun and I saw when we started dating. I remember it like it was yesterday. There were 5 in our group, and Katie always made the girls sit on the inside by her so it wasn't like we were in some weird couple thing.

The theater is gone now that we used to go to almost every weekend.

I remember being so excited to go on a date with him, and be out with our friends. We would sometimes go to the McDonalds that was in the walmart that was right next door, occasionally even emptying our purses and filling them with candy we bought so we could sneak it in.

This movie was the first time he put his arm around me.

I never wanted him to move it.

We met in our high school cafeteria, not the most romantic of settings but I remember being way too shy to talk to him and always staring at his beautiful blue eyes.

Since I tried to sit near him but sually where I couldn't se him or was too afraid to look, my friend Katie and I had a code for when he would get up to go to the trash can across the room.

"The chicken has flown the coop!!!" she would say. Anyone within hearing distance would turn and give us weird looks as I busted out laughing hysterically from being so nervous about going to throw away my trash at the same time as him.

We went on a field trip to Disney world the first week of Feb 1997. We hung out with a large group, hitting all the rides and having a blast. I think that was the first time I got up the nerve to talk to him.

At the end of the day I lent him some money for dinner and he seemed very grateful. He said I was nice. I still remember that.

I had a seventeen magazine with a quiz about how compatible you and your crush are. I told my friend on the neighboring bus that I was going to take it and we got the highest score. To me, that was a sign.

I heard a week later that he was going to ask some other girl out for valentines day. I was upset but I had spent months crushing him so I figured it was time to let go.

We had a half day on V day and he and I had the same lunch. I was sitting alone when he walked in. I was wondering what to do if he started talking to me or anything so I was really suprised when he kind of flung this paper at me and was a beautiful poem asking me to the military ball for jrotc.

I said yes, of course, and floated home on a cloud.